“When did life stop feeling like this”

In the face of rapid life changes, and in the age of escapism while witnessing brutality from dying systems, the specks of our past can feel like a cushion we lean onto, seemingly simpler, easier, and happier than today.

This tweet is what prompted me to write about nostalgia as coping:

Nostalgia feels like a temporal preservation within virtual spaces. Nostalgia acts as an island we retreat to, an anchor in the face of hopelessness and restlessness. It's as if it were a freeze response to our overwhelming reality—a coping mechanism, offering us a brief respite from the uncertainty of a better future.

In times of despair and hopelessness, I tend to rely on nostalgia as a coping** mechanism. In Mandarin, there’s this phrase, 舍不得 (shě bù dé), which roughly translates to 'reluctant to part with' — that's how nostalgia feels to me. 

I find myself bonding with friends over our childhood memories, indulging in art forms like my favourite shows, listening to music by my teenage idol at the time, BoA, and scrolling endlessly on Pinterest to curate old internet energy and Y2K aesthetics into a mood board. In these digital spaces, the collective nostalgia of shared experiences emerges, eliciting a contagious, creative energy.

*Nostalgia: Nostalgia is not necessarily remembering the reality. It’s a deep longing for space and time that has passed, people we loved and/or loved us, a version of ourselves that is no longer accessible to us. 

Sometimes, nostalgic feelings bring up feelings of hopelessness and deep sadness about current-day reality. Some people refer to this experience as nostalgic depression, where the sentimental longing for the past brings up grief and disturbance.

**Coping vs. vs. processing (watch this tiktok)

• Coping is like a bandaid, or first aid. It can be validating, brings awareness and tends to an emotional wound when it shows up. To cope is the attempt to stay functioning through emotional pain.

• Processing is accessing our nervous system (the language of our mind and body connection)’s wisdom. It recognizes overwhelming experiences will be stored in our body. It often times feels more intuitive, trusting, understanding with context of emotional wounds.

The charm and power of art making as processing nostalgia

As we make art (a collaboration between our intuitive nervous system, the environment we are in, and earthly materials), we are choosing to engage with the full moment and a fragment of our experience being preserved beyond thoughts and feelings.

Art making breeds nostalgia, eliciting a contagious, creative energy! Art making can help with release and express emotions, storing them in the image so we don’t have to carry it all.

Here’s an art as therapy prompt for you:

(the steps act as a gentle guide and are completely optional)

1. Choose a specific time period you want to revisit from your past. Choose art materials, a playlist, a space, a comfort item (eg. a stuffed toy), or a snack to pair with this time period.

2. First marks: Invite your younger self from that time period to make the first marks. Express through your inner child you want to connect with. Draw/paint/play as if your younger self is making the marks. These may be symbols that you used to draw, or describing a feeling you remember fondly from that time.
Alternative option- embodied time: Connect with a space in time and make your first marks as if you were embodying that space in time.

3. What your younger self prefers: work with art mediums, textures, colours etc. you would have chosen when you were younger. 
Alternative option: what symbols, textures, feelings, and beings inhabit this space/world?

4. An essence of support: Collaborate with your inner child by bringing in your current self. What are some symbols or imagery you engage with nowadays that you would like to add onto this artwork to bring in an essence of support and witnessing?
Alternative option: What does your space in time/world need as resource and support? Add images for this space to feel safe and comfy.

5. Gentle check-ins with yourself - with both your inner child (or the space in time), and your current self: stretch, notice your capacity to engage/disengage, go for a walk or recharge in another room whenever you need it.

You DO NOT have to finish/complete this artwork or prompt in one go. Heck, you don’t have to complete anything if it doesn’t sit right with you.

6. Honour your art piece and think of containment and storage. Does the image need borders? Maybe you can attach your artwork in a journal. Or put a frame around it, if the image wants to be seen by others and yourself often. Where does your art piece want to be?

7. Bring in community. Work with a peer you trust, someone you want to share this with or an art therapist to support your emotional health with this exercise. 

Hopefully this art as therapy exercise prompts you to engage in nostalgia as a coping practice. To bring in a time in space or reconnect and honour your younger self’s art expressions with the creativity from your current self.

Give this art as therapy prompt a try or gift this blog post to a friend who may enjoy it! :)

In this blog post we will be discussing about the most common mental health concern in North America and possibly in the world: Anxiety. 

Almost one out of five Americans suffer from Anxiety. People who are struggling with Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder also experience symptoms of Anxiety. 

I went through a little epiphany a couple of weeks ago when I described a stressful situation with a client interchangeably between Anxiety and stress. I realized that even as a therapist, “Stress” and “Anxiety” can be hard to differentiate from one another.

Anxiety can be so easily undermined when explaining this mental health concern to others, which led me to think how hard must it be for people going through it to explain what they are experiencing — especially during the hardest moments.

Here are some crucial points you need to know about Anxiety:

Stress ≠ Anxiety

Let me tell you why…

Stress is something that we all experience whether we are at work, school, at home. Stress is your body’s reaction to a trigger and is generally a short-term experience

Anxiety is a sustained mental health concern that could be triggered by stress. Anxiety is excessive worry and fear and is strong enough to affect daily life. The intensity of the Anxiety or worry is out of proportion to the actual likelihood or impact of the anticipated situation. 

Anxiety is crippling and a daily challenge. 

Please try to understand that people with Anxiety are handling life in an extraordinary way.

People with Anxiety are handling a lot at once as they are continuously managing their Anxiety as they go. 

They need to be very mindful, not only taking on the responsibility of being the human they are, but handling something additional on their plate.

It would be so great if that effort was validated, celebrated, and congratulated.

Because that is worth giving recognition for!

Fact: Emotions feel 10x stronger during the peak of an Anxiety episode.

How to support someone who is struggling with Anxiety:

• Notice what is coming up for you: Pay attention to countertransference. Countertransference is when someone is struggling with Anxiety, another person around them can “pick up” the symptoms through something called countertransference. When big emotions like anger, frustration or sadness come up for you, learn to set your boundaries: for example maybe you would rather practice some self-soothing or would prefer talking to them later. And vice versa, please respect their boundaries—even when it comes across as annoying, hurtful or when it seems unreasonable. No means no.

• Dealing with the feeling of uncertainty (on what it takes to help the person): When someone is struggling with Anxiety or when anyone is going through a vulnerable time, they can easily feel isolated and alone in their suffering. People with Anxiety need to feel safe enough to attend and experience the big emotions: sadness, anger, or fear—to feel the feelings. Don’t be afraid to ask them what is going on and bring more opportunities for them to speak up about what they are going through.

• Notice their signs of ‘overwhelm’: Try to understand that when someone is suffering, they may push others away even though they don’t mean to. This is because when someone is going through the experience of Anxiety, they cannot take anything else on—that experience alone is overwhelming! Try not to take their overwhelm personally.

• Talk openly about what is happening. Feeling ashamed is often what prevents people from seeking professional help and support. It may also cause some people to deny that they are struggling or experiencing Anxiety altogether.

• Reflect on your role as a supporter: Something really important that I see a lot in my clients is the attempt to FIX or SOLVE the other’s experience of Anxiety. Remind yourself that it is not your job to be the fixer.

• Instead be an empathetic listener and make it a goal to show up. Supporting someone with Anxiety can look like making sure their experiences are heard—that itself can be very reassuring. Reflect what it could look like if you could make a commitment to show up even when and especially when things are difficult.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”—Thich Nhat Hanh 

Here are two Anxiety management coping strategies I practice when I experience Anxiety:

The 4-7-8 breathing technique 

Practiced with the yoga tongue placement (tip of your tongue on the gum between the roof of your mouth and your front teeth). This tongue placement relaxes your neck and head by preventing you from clenching. 

Here’s how to practice this breathing exercise:

1. Exhale completely through your mouth to prepare for the exercise

2. Breathe in 2, 3, 4

3. Hold your breath 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

4. Exhale 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

5. Repeat for 4 cycles

Practice this breathing exercise wherever you are.

Art as Therapy: Breathing mandala

Take a few moments to notice and visualize your current breath. 

Create a mandala of what your breath looks like right now (center of mandala) and how your breath can blossom (outer portion of the mandala).

One of the reasons why it is hard to “manage” Anxiety is that an individual with Anxiety can seem different from someone else with Anxiety.

As a therapist, I am never looking at a “one size fits all” coping strategies package when dealing with Anxiety. Learning coping strategies to help with Anxiety needs to be individualized to fit the person going through it. Which is why aligning your goals and working with a therapist can be so helpful in your healing journey.

Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this link.

Struggling to understand this behaviour, especially when you are supporting someone close to you struggling with this behaviour, can be very difficult. Self-harming is such an important topic and is in need of more awareness in the mental health realm, which is why I was inspired to write about this.

Self-harming is a way to regain emotional balance to extremely disturbing emotional disturbances. These behaviours could be symbolic to taking an aspirin for recurring headaches—there is immediate relief, but the pain is guaranteed to resurface.

Self-harming include not only self-injuring but also behaviours such as food restriction, binging and purging, or binge drinking and drug addictions. These behaviours could stem from mental health concerns such as trauma and coping with depression, anxiety, grief and loss, and pressure from life transitions.

The two most common reasons for self-harming are:

1. to control the extremely painful and frightening experience of overwhelming emotions

2. to escape from the awful feeling of being numb and empty.⁣

How you can help if you know someone who is struggling with self-harming:⁣

• Don’t be afraid to ask what they are going through or if they have anyone they trust who they can talk to about what is happening.⁣ Follow your instincts: if you suspect signs of depression or suicidal thoughts/ideation, ask them. The conversation might be missed if no one talks about it.

• When the conversation starts, empathy and validation are crucial: communicating that you understand and value the other person’s experience (especially emotional experience), even when you may not necessarily share the same opinion.⁣ Showing up is more helpful than you think.

• Typical reassurance techniques may not work: such as “time will pass” or “can’t you choose to be happy?” may be seen as inconsiderable and could do more harm than good.⁣

• Help them find resources. Find a mental health professional who can help them gain coping strategies to manage self-harm and for them to have a secure, confidential space to talk about what they are experiencing. Your job is not there to fix/solve it.

Mental health professionals go through years of training to create a secure environment for those hurting to express what’s happening and they provide unconditional positive regard. If the professional specializes in the self-harm behaviour you are struggling with, please reach out. Your story is important. You do not have to struggle with this overwhelm alone.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call one of the numbers below:

• 9-1-1 if you are in an emergency.

• 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) if you are considering suicide or are concerned about someone who may be.

• 310Mental Health Support at 310-6789 (no area code needed) for emotional support, information and resources specific to mental health. 

• Kid’s Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 to speak to a professional counsellor, 24 hours a day.
  
  For more information please visit this link.
  
  Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this link.