Since reading ‘Rest is Resistence’ by Tricia Hersey in the wintertime, this era has been an opening for new portals for Rest.

 I've been feeling the Abundance!

I’ve been unlearning that treading on the hamster wheel is not how I can continue keeping up, but a response I feel from internalized individualist, capitalist and patriarchal messages I’ve been taught all my life.

And when I compulsively convince myself that I can’t ask for help, that I have to fend for myself to soothe the anxiety around my mental health or business side of things… a big chunk of this burden comes from individualism and historical experiences of scarcity from my family lineage that I have often heard about and witnessed growing up…

When your body has been activated in this state for this long, you may begin to mistaken this as the norm. 

Abundance is pretty new for me, and it's the opposite of capitalism's agenda, so it is supposed to feel ‘different’ and ‘not like myself’.

Being able to recognize that ‘not being able to rest’ has its roots in internalized messages of cultural legacy burdens from racism, capitalism, ableism, materialism, individualism and other -isms has been so helpful.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

One July night when I felt Abundance, I had to capture the moment. Here is what Abundance felt like that night:

”When Abundance is felt in my body, it’s the most satisfying, fulfilling sensation ever. Like the best nap I’ve ever taken. Or watching the prettiest sunset beaming through a landscape.

I feel myself put value and pride in the work I do, even when the workload seems invisible.

Abundance is noticing the space, expansion and openness to receive, being myself, not taking myself so seriously. 

Tempering my body to live a bit more courageously and authentically everyday.

I’m writing down these words immediately because I am still welcoming in Abundance from a culture struggling with scarcity.

I want to learn to embody Abundance.

I want to be Abundance.”

Here is the story of Ubuntu (credits to Abby who introduced this in our monthly peer group).

That’s what culture/community in Abundance can be like. 

And it exists already!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I appreciate each and every one of you who resonates with some of these experiences: having complex feelings around slowing down, trying hard to unlearn and smashing the encoded messages around scarcity, capitalism and all the other -isms.

Investing in Relational Justice for our sacred bodies and minds. 
Collective Abundance and Rest is what will sustain us and help us survive this climate.

Here are 3 ways you can start to decolonize your creative practice.

1. Make some trauma-informed art.
   

   We need to unlearn rules around making art that has been tying us down. Have you been feeling like your work is not enough? Are you censoring or policing your creativity and the process? As Yumi Sakugawa says, we need to ‘transmute shame to freedom’. Giving ourselves the permission to make ‘imperfect’ or what I would call, trauma-informed art, is core to trauma-healing from a world that gatekeeps what art should be.
   
   

2. Allow for creative accidents.
   

   Creative accidents are things that happen when we are working with art materials that lead to exploration in areas that you may have never thought you would explore.
   Being untrained artistically can actually be an advantage when working with images and intentions because having less training can sometimes mean you have less control over the art medium you are working with. Having less control means that there is more of a chance for something “other” to come through on the page.
   
   

3. Respect what you create.

   
   Our art carries so much life. Our art holds meanings and inner wisdom as well as curiosity, and carry emotions that may not be ready to be seen yet or ever. I hope you get to learn to enjoy and seek beauty in the process

Current thoughts as an art therapist.

Something art therapists see too often is when folks we work with are reluctant and avidly rejecting art making.

There are many ways the art therapy and mental health field gatekeep therapeutic art making as a 'modality'. This makes it harder to debunk the myth that 'art making is a luxury' and a skill that only certain folks who gone through clinical training can practice day to day.

As a newly registered art therapist, I am brainstorming ways to decolonize the field of art therapy. I've been so excited to see some art therapists publicizing art as therapy knowledge in the public eye.

For myself, my role is gravitated towards having conversations and collaborating with folks to make art around art-related trauma or experiences of invalidation around art, art therapy or therapy.

In my work, ‘making art’ doesn't have to be drawing or painting. I find many folks are more familiar and comfortable creating metaphors around their experiences.

I hope you get to heal and practice decolonizing within your creative practice too!

Abled-supremacy is real, and it’s right in front of our faces.

It’s been almost 3 wild years of this unprecedented change in our lives: for many, losses, feelings of isolation and difficulties in emotional/mental/physical health; changes in finances, career, and missing relationships of our loved ones around the world has been extremely painful. The way we relate with one another has become so different and at times, disorienting to our foundations. Abled-supremacy (ableism) is becoming so obvious with part of it being through the effects of the pandemic.

“A cornerstone of being disabled in an ableist world is isolation.“ - Mia Mingus

In August, I caught coronavirus. I am not immunocompromised, yet it took me nearly 2 months to feel like myself again- after losing hearing from my left ear from that duration of time. If you have experienced internalized ableism when being sick, you will know how unkind and unforgiving you can be towards yourself. You may experience washes of shame and rage that can only be ‘replaced’ if you were to coerce yourself to be ‘productive’: by overriding your body’s need to operate on rest to reach some sort of equilibrium.

When we don’t talk about ableism or wear our masks during an ongoing pandemic, we contribute to the erasure of our disabled kin and reject parts of us that aren’t within the ‘norm’.

Although I am someone who has been actively trying to wear my mask and carrying a hand sanitizer in my bag at all times, it has not been easy and many times discouraging when I want to advocate for others around me to do the same or when I’m questioned by others around me whether I am sick when I bring my mask along.

Ever since mandated masks and social distancing has been lifted, many of us returned to blatantly erasing and gaslighting the immunocompromised, sick and disabled community, away from existence. We have lost our way and abandoned our disabled kin.

We have been rejecting ‘disabled deaths for abled life’ and this is a direct commentary towards part of us we reject that aren’t within the norm.

”No institutions exist to help us survive—we survive because of each other” - Leah Lakshimi Piepzna, Samarasinha

I’ve been taking in the words of Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshimi Piepzna, Samarasinha and Talila Lewis and many more disabled justice-oriented activists who have been helping me find ways to create space and center in the wisdom of our SDQTBIPoC (Sick Disabled Queer Trans Black Indigenous People of Colour) community.


For the curious reader:

I hope you can recognize and call out your internalized ableist voice and challenge it.

I hope you get to find a community of folks who can acknowledge abled-supremacy, genuinely respect you including validating your experiences, and accepting all parts of you. Because collective healing and mutual aid can shift difficult and unbearable moments.

I hope you connect to parts of you that had been or has continuously been rejected and erased.

I hope you can be in solidarity and listen to our sick and disabled kin and be led by those who know the most about these systems and how they work - from leadership of those most impacted.

With warmth,

Linda

My story: As a Canadian-born child of first generation immigrants from China, I saw my parents work weekdays and weekends. Even today, they rarely take a Sunday off for themselves. When I was a child, I remember how rare it was to go to Metrotown mall or to a nearby park for a stroll together as a family. Working has been a way for them to stay afloat overseas. They are also the first from their families of origin to immigrate to Canada.

What is Racial Trauma?

Racial trauma can be described as the experiences of growing up or living in an unjust society where there are discriminatory experiences towards marginalized races, cultures and communities. It can come from dealing with overwhelming experiences based on systemic racism, oppression, discrimination, rejection and shame.

Racial trauma are experiences and incidences that can happen at work settings, school, large or small institutions, within the intimate circles, partnerships, within communities such as living in towns where they don’t see many people who look like them. It could be activated by the exposure to the news of hate crimes towards a certain race.


My story: In elementary school, nobody around me spoke in my mother tongue until I was in grade 4. I remember my teachers put me and all the other POC kids in ESL class automatically because we weren’t white. I remember a high school English teacher told my mom I should never write English papers again. I had to retake English in summer school where I eventually got a higher grade.

What do the experiences look like for BIPOC folks dealing with Racial Trauma?

Manifestations of Internalized Oppression.

Imposter syndrome, Overworking, Self-policing, Racial Inferiority, Code-switching, Assimilation/White-washing, Self-Gaslighting, Scarcity Mindset, Internalized Anti-Blackness, Rejecting Ancestral Practices and Beauty, Shrinking, Internalized Othering…

Dealing with Discrimination.

Experiences of verbal harassment, micro-aggressions, and/or assault.

Isolation.

Overwhelming emotions of feeling “othered” or not seen by society. Wanting to be respected, seen and heard when we feel disrespected, unseen, unheard.

Rage and Anger.

When our problem is being invalidated and isn’t taken seriously, that is extremely upsetting. Where does the rage live when the systems we work at don’t address the problem?

Powerlessness and Helplessness.

Feeling stuck, feeling like we can’t change anything.

Intergenerational and Collective Experiences.

For example, children of immigrants witness or know of their parent/s’ sacrifice, struggle when they came while they try to translate + protect their parent/s growing up.

When our problem is invisible, not seen and unacknowledged by others, it can be traumatizing.

Are there any experiences from this list that you may be grappling with?

Collectively, we are just beginning to awaken and identify our identity as Asians and POC living overseas. We have been living in a society that refused to see our trauma, where our problems weren’t seen as problems, and are just beginning to fight for our experiences we have been facing day-to-day are problems worth exploring.

How can we talk about the current events and issues with our families and friends, whether you come from a BIPOC folk and/or White?

Speaking up and discussing these current issues are opportunities to practice showing up with vulnerability (for BIPOC folks: learning to take up space in this society where we are marginalized) and develop more awareness of where we are in our own racial identity journey and carry possibilities of transformation and healing (for BIPOC folks: knowing that these are issues that matter to us). 

At every moment, we have a choice to TUNE IN or TUNE OUT.

This process brings up HARD, sometimes activating, discussions to tune into. Grief, rage from injustice, anger, and the loss of innocence may show up. We may realize people around us might not be fighting for same causes and haven’t awakened in fighting for same injustice like we are. 

Exploring ways we can practice ‘tuning in’.

Tuning in could look like:
• Checking-in with ourselves
• Noticing PAUSES and discomfort
• Practicing ways to stand in solidarity with our lived experiences
• Unlearning and finding resources as we reflect on what we may be experiencing

Tapping out or tuning out look something like this:  “I don’t believe you”, “I can’t believe you said that”, or to ourselves, “Why am I still upset about this, I should get over it” or “I’m being too sensitive”. 

We need to get curious and lean in to that discomfort instead of pushing it aside. These feelings you are experiencing play an important role in identifying racial injustice and need to be named.  

Ask yourself: How can I stay with the discomfort; PAUSE; and begin to learn my own suffering’s edge?

"Justice is measured in transformation. We are not trying to fix something, [or] get answers. We are trying to unlearn, see and feel [the] oppression versus power [and] injustice."
— Resmaa Menakem, Somatic Abolitionism: The Shift from Strategy to Culture

The Flower Power Chart

Processing. How can we begin this journey?

We can’t discuss racial trauma from a neutral standpoint: unlearning, questioning, decolonizing  and expressing solidarity are ways you can show up in this journey. Racism is Trauma.

What are some questions you have been grappling with when you experience the reckoning of culture, power, dominant discourses, and systemic injustices? 

The Flower Power Chart can be an exercise you can begin to explore power and oppression. You may be considered ‘very privileged’ in a couple areas and ‘oppressed’ in others. Some identities in the ‘Other’ category could be Mental Health Disorder, or Appearance (how you look, dress, present yourself). Reflect on your experiences with each of the identities. I wholeheartedly believe that Every. Single. Identity on this chart is worth exploring. 

Whether you are feeling confusion, questioning, awakening, resisting, or advocating for some type of reform in our world, this chart can be a place to start on this journey. Unpacking, processing, and healing our identity(-ies) is HARD work, but it is so important that each one of us practice doing this work.

There is no prescription towards enlightenment: unpacking racial identity will be different and special from person to person. I hope that you continue to trust the process by tuning into and noticing what you recoil from and ‘tending your roots’ during this healing journey.

Here are some articles I have been featured in on racial trauma:

• Adler University In The Media: https://www.adler.edu/2021/04/09/vancouver-graduate-discusses-racial-trauma-counselling-on-canadian-news-outlets/
• CBC News on Racial Trauma: “Racial trauma counsellor sees spike in patients after increase of anti-Asian attacks” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mNbi5Qty1A
• CBC News The Early Edition Radio show on Racial Trauma: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-91-the-early-edition/clip/15834633-asian-canadians-seeking-mental-health-help-attacks-increase
• CBC News Article “Racial trauma counsellors in B.C. see surge in patients amid ongoing anti-Asian hate” https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/racial-trauma-increase-1.5967649

Also, I am hoping to facilitate some workshops on racial trauma and ways we can reclaim our racial identity. Stay tuned!