Does this sound familiar? If you live with anxiety or OCD, you probably know that feeling of needing someone to tell you everything’s okay. You ask, they answer, you feel a little calmer… and then, a few moments later, the doubt washes back up.

The difference between reassurance, validation, and understanding it can be a real game-changer for managing anxiety episodes and symptoms of OCD.

Many clients with symptoms of OCD come to therapy thinking they need validation or only work on reframing thoughts, but what they’re really doing is seeking reassurance which brings them in another OCD spiral.

While reassurance can feel comforting in the moment, it often keeps us stuck in the anxiety loop, reinforcing anxious thoughts over time.

Validation vs. Reassurance: what’s the difference?

Validation

• Your feelings are seen and understood.

• Example: “Yeah, that makes sense. I get why this is scary.”

• Important: Validation doesn’t mean you have to do what your anxiety or trauma urges you to do.

Reassurance Seeking

• One of the big five behaviours that keep anxiety stuck:

• Avoidance

• Reassurance seeking

• Distraction

• Substance use

• Compulsions

• These behaviours give short-term relief, but in the long run, they strengthen anxiety and reinforce OCD patterns.

Satisfy OCD or walk away?

When OCD symptoms hit, you have a choice: feed the compulsions… or step away.

Walking away is a practice from Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) which is a highly effective OCD treatment. ERP helps you face anxiety without giving in to compulsions, allowing your nervous system to gradually learn that fear isn’t permanent.

Habituation: learning to let fear pass

Resisting compulsions helps your brain and body learn that fear is temporary. Think of it like watching a scary movie scene over and over. It gets less intense with time. Anxiety and OCD works the same way.

Quick experiment: stare at your ceiling for 10 seconds and wish it would fall on you. It won’t. Thoughts don’t make things happen — even when OCD tells you they might.

Ways to walk away from OCD compulsions:

• Pause before acting: First step is awareness by calling out OCD and Anxiety. Take a moment to slow down.

• Practice duality and be gentle: “I notice the urge to do familiar compulsion. It’s okay to do this hard thing and feel anxious while doing it.”

• It’s all about Exposure and Response: Gradually face triggers or fears without performing your usual compulsion. Start small and work your way up. Please work with a trained therapist on ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) as an approach before trying it on your own.

• Stay present whenever you can: Practice mindfulness and grounding by observing intrusive thoughts without judgment.

• Engage with intention: Focus on meaningful activities — not to escape anxiety, but to reconnect with life and the present moment.

• Remember it’s about practice. Just because you succeeded once doesn’t mean it will go away forever. Seeing yourself doing the compulsion again is part of healing.

Tip: Need a therapist who understands anxiety and OCD and can guide you through the spiral? Check out our therapist directory to find support.

The core of obsession and compulsion

The heart of OCD and anxiety work is learning to build up tolerance of emotional discomfort now so you can feel calm later.

Reassurance might feel good temporarily, but validation, patience, and practice are what truly help anxiety lose its grip.

Therapy Options That Help

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): which is a branch of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Useful when past experiences or trauma contribute to anxiety or OCD patterns. EMDR helps process distressing memories so they no longer fuel compulsions.

from our newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, RCAT

Growing up my grandma who raised me always said, “friendships and learning to connect with others help us cross the bridges of life” 🪷 ୧ ‧ ˚ (this is roughly translated to English)

A couple of decades later, I find myself circling back to her wisdom, because building connections and friendships is active resistance to capitalism and individualism. Friendship is a refusal of a culture that tells us to stay polished, self-contained, hyperindependent, and endlessly ‘productive’.

But here’s the question, how do we actually build real friendships when we’re swimming in a culture that glorifies capitalism, perfectionism, and even buying into community, when it's dressed up as 'self-respect'?

via Pinterest

-`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´-

Reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship.

Robin Wall Kimmerer reminds us that reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship. The Earth offers us gifts—berries, shade, clean water—not so we can hoard them, but so we can learn the joy of giving back. Reciprocity flows in a circle, isn't one-sided, sustaining everyone involved. It also reminds me of generosity, a value my mother taught me.

When we strive to live in the rhythm of reciprocity instead of keeping score, we learn to offer, and make room to receive. 

We make listening as important as speaking, holding as important as being held. 

 Reciprocity doesn’t keep score; it trusts that when we give, it returns in another form, in another season.

-`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  

sleepover and zine making a friend~

Prioritize connection > productivity! 

Individualism and capitalism teaches us to prioritize our needs above our communities and view relationships as transactional.

It's literally designed to keep us in disconnection and in loneliness.

There were so many days when I find myself after a full day of work and feeling so exhausted to make plans with people who support my nervous system and would interrupt these cycles of anxiety.

snippet of my friendship mantras zine!

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Rest and pleasure are portals to receiving care and love ♡

Especially when we are trained/conditioned to work, serve, and over-function, choosing rest, joy, pleasure, and time with friends is a way to restore love’s presence in our lives. Communion helps us interrupt cycles of hurt: healing personal wounds with relationships and those passed down through generations and systemic oppression. 

Prioritizing our needs is not above our relationships (capitalism/individualism) nor is our relationship above our needs (relational trauma/wounding).

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

via Pinterest

⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹

Communion is the antidote to loneliness and alienation! 

Communion counters loneliness and alienation. Our culture reinforces individualistic behaviours, which shape how we maintain—or let go of—relationships, like the drifting or disappearance of friendships in adulthood after life changes such as moving away, starting a new relationship, landing a new job, or having a child.

bell hooks reminds me in Communion that true connection invites us into intimacy, belonging, and presence. 

I’ve been practicing little ways of stepping off the hamster wheel, where I prioritize friendships and relationships instead of letting the system dictate my pace. I’m learning again and again that connection can be one of our greatest sources of nourishment and healing.

When we slow down enough to be with a friend, we’re pushing back against the myth that our value lies only in output.

Whether it’s cooking a meal together, walking or playing at the park, or even having an adult sleepover (SO fun), friendships are how we choose connection over keeping score, competition, and the endless busyness capitalism asks of us. 𖦹

⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹

So here's to choosing each other in a culture that doesn't.

₊˚🍏 ྀ౿ written by yours truly, Linda

Community building events coming to Decipher this Fall/Winter!

✮ monthly TEAR CLUB! (anti-perfectionism) with Chloe, our art therapist .ᐟ.ᐟ ˚⊹

 

✮ weekly OFF-SCREEN HOURS art therapy drop-ins with our interns coming soon .ᐟ.ᐟ ⋆˙⟡

A space where we can build community, make art, and connect more deeply with yourself and the world! Think of it as a group therapy session, but in a fun, casual, community-focused way, away from screens and winding down from our week.

Also a perfect activity for rainy days with a friend or two in our studio located in downtown ‘Vancouver’.

Check back soon for updates!

from our November newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, CCC, RCAT

In my previous blog post on generational diaspora, I mentioned I was visiting my mother’s homeland, China, for the first time in over a decade! It took me a few weeks to sit with this journey before writing about it.

This trip involved much more emotional processing than rational processing. Feeling our emotions in this way can be challenging, and from my experience in the therapy room, it often only comes after we’ve built enough trauma-informed language and awareness.

What’s the difference? Rational processing is structured and analytical, focused on collecting information and making critical deductions about what happened. Feeling processing, however, is experiential—it’s about listening to and working with what comes up, viscerally. It’s when we start noticing signs that have been there all along: sensations in our breath, a gnawing in our gut, the energy we pick up, and a pull toward creating new, supportive cycles for our body.

Feeling lost? I was—and probably still am. Words didn't come easily to describe this deeply sensory experience. Here are some emerging themes as I sat on the images I created from my trip:

Chapter 1: The play.

The impacts of historical imperial violence are complex, and when passed down through ancestral lineage, it lands differently from person-to-person in different points in their lives…yet they feel familiar. 

As a Chinese person born outside of China, I found it challenging to fully embody the audience's cultural resistance. This surprised me, considering I feel deeply in other spaces. It prompted me to reflect on what I may have internalized from the West—and how numb I must've felt during the play. This numbness might hint at open wounds, unprocessed grief, and the overwhelming sensation of feeling too much without a concrete anchor for my intersecting identities.

To all the children of immigrants navigating multiple cultures and facing relational tensions due to generational cultural gaps—how are you all holding up?

Everything is political - including my identity.

Identity conflicts have felt especially confusing throughout the trip. The harbouring of internalized sinophobia stemming from Western political narratives about China feels practically acceptable in today’s world (& with elections in the atmosphere). Unfortunately and to no surprise, I encountered a lack of engagement and curiosity about my trip from some friends. 

These encounters have prompted me to reflect deeply on my own journey with internalized sinophobia. Internalized racism functions as a product of unresolved trauma—a cycle of harm and violence rooted in politically engineered oppression.

The layers of kin-based harm and wounds of what could’ve been.

So I found out from my trip that my partner’s extended family members love each other, like sincerely. It's like the kind of love bell hooks talked about in her book, all about love. The kind of love with all 7 components: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, honesty and open communication. They've got a 75-person WeChat group, more than half of the group located in the city dine together every weekend and near 90-year-olds would keep the vibrant energy by playing mahjong into the early hours. They welcomed us with open arms, unconditional warmth and support. 

A few days later, I visited my mother’s side in a different province after 20 years and I was struck by anxiety and generational cycles playing out before me. I gave myself permission to bawl, allowing space to grapple with parts of myself that felt wronged by the stark contrasts in family dynamics and kinship.

It began to dawn on me that the heart of emotional processing wasn’t just about healing; it is about connection. 

Connection and care for the younger versions of myself, connection to parts of my culture and identity I want to keep discovering, and connection to kin who, in their imperfect ways, still attempt to show up for each other.

Be sure to sign up to our newsletter, Creative Ponders, where we share tidbits from our therapists, art prompts + new updates on offerings, delivered directly to your inbox!

from our newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, CCC, RCAT

Have you ever heard of the saying, 'work to live’, instead of ‘live to work’ and wondered… how the heck do I do that?

…Perhaps there's something gnawing inside of you when you hear that you have a choice to “live” fully/presently.

…Perhaps you are seeking for self-actualization or a spiritual awakening of some sort, to transform and do some healing.

…Perhaps you are similar to myself, in which they call a ‘cyclebreaker’.

…Then maybe you're in the right place 💗

In these past few years, I found myself exploring rest as resistance and strategizing ways to escape capitalism (which is a system that uses humans as commodities) with the intention of living wholly as a liberation practice.

I sense in my body, that when I verbalize these words above, it's still fresh. Kind of like discovering a treasure chest that’s been locked up under the sea for a very long time.

Sometimes I wonder if an ancestor from my lineage has called out unjust systems before and the wisdom got lost along the way.

Or if they were punished for questioning it.

Or that no one has ever cared to be critical of it until little old me.

In this journey, I am discovering just how deep intergenerational wounds can be, especially when it comes to my relationship with work for survival…

 ₊˚ ☁️・₊✧ 

Healing justice is when we reflect, observe and recognize how systems we seek to change outside of our bodies are also carried within our bodies.

To feel worthy of rest is not easy for me and my lineage!

In fact, it's an arduous feat for someone like me to find exits out of stifling spaces and experiences. I find myself crisis managing, keeping up with thoughts of what is expected of me in moments when I need to listen to myself and need rest the most.

(Below is me rambling so you can choose to skip past this)

I heard stories that each of my parents took on multiple jobs to save up for a one-way ticket to come from their motherland to a new continent, leaving the rest of their families physically behind and sending back the fruits of their labor to support them financially. Growing up, it was normalized to not take weekends off. With barely any time for relational building and quality time, this never-ending hamster wheel has played like a broken record.

(Okay, I would LOVE for you to read this ↓)

Breaking the cycle means unwinding intergenerational wounds of up to 14 generations!

Please note that it is NOT about breaking the entire 14 generations of burdens, and that if you still struggle with the cycle showing up, you are no longer a cycle breaker. The focus is more about building awareness of personal responses, of family's history and ancestors' stories, as well as cultural woundings. Being a cycle breaker is about building critical consciousness (will write more about this in the next newsletter) of what is the wound that your lineage and yourself have been carrying. 

In the therapy room, I have been practicing remembering that when clients/folks are in session with me, I may be witnessing up to 500 years of ancestral wisdom, cultural and historical stuff showing up.

Hey, I recognize that this practice sounds intimidating. However, it serves as a reminder that we are incredible humans who can carry some pretty heavy stuff.

We are on this journey of liberating ourselves, future generations and organizing with community for a better world. That’s some superhero typa power 💪

・₊✧  Take a deep breath here   ☁️・₊

Some gentle reminders I tell myself:

"I will notice more presence, tend to my body and mind, and feel my heart space soften.

There will be many more moments where I catch myself in labor when I could have chosen to relax. That is because these systems are designed for me to sense risk if I were to choose to rest (ahem… due to capitalism, patriarchy, intergenerational wounds… ahem).

There will be many more moments where choices to rest will become closer within reach. When I am no longer defined by the disconnection, violence, betrayal and disregard of my healing."

꩜   𖦹   ꩜   𖦹   ꩜

Here's a journalling/art prompt for you, or a conversation you may choose to have with your community:

What is it that you are hoping to break in this lifetime?

-Linda