There's what it is. 

Then there's what it seems.

Recently most of my concerns shows up as what it seems like initially.

It's as if my actions seem futile.

It seems like like I'm losing it. 

My body, my business and my life seems like they're in their flop era.

Witnessing the age of the neocolonial internet where those who hold power actively outrightly censor untold stories of the oppressed and when allies share their activism, how shadow banned their accounts can become.

Here's what they don't want you to know!

How to access what it is and has always been:

In my community, folks whom I've been reaching out to are helping me to be able to call out all the ridiculous moments it has been seeming like to get to what it actually is.

Oppressive systems are built to prime and gaslight us to feel ‘what it seems’ like. Like we are fraud, or that nothing we do will help and we should just look away…
 

…when it is actually a healthy sign of your humanity if you have been feeling dysregulated, feeling the rage from the grief of witnessing.

Your felt sense of discomfort, grief and rage is living proof of the practice of unlearning and decolonizing. Indigenous teachings tell us that our bodies carry the knowledge, wisdom, pain and wounds from 7+ generations. Rage is our embodied wisdom. 

 If you feel like you are in the smack middle of your ‘flop era’, 
you are in the right place.

The place where there is:

• collective healing towards liberation

• unlearning and resistance from oppressive systems and practices

• access to what it is and to your lineage's wisdom

• emotional healing instead of spiritual bypassing

• creative ways to validate your experiences

• bravery to share wisdom, advocate and call up reps because you're a badass human who cares.

“We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians” 

- Nelson Mandela

The essence of our shared humanity and collective healing is to build a container for one another until all of us are free.

Bearing the weight of the thousands of lost dreams and the lifetimes of deep sorrow that will follow won't be possible if we don't come together, continue to call and email reps for a ceasefire NOW. 

Underpaintings and impasto paintings* always reminded me of the history an artwork holds:

The layers upon layers of buried marks, hidden tries, vibrant stories and editions within a painting (aka. an experience). 

They remind me of the dimensions and depth of heartwork, that can capture the sad and longing parts of grief and their gifts of creation and fulfillment that comes with heartwork.

* Underpainting is referred in traditional art as a thin wash or layer that you build on your image; playing with tones, to create depth. 

Impasto painting is a technique in which paint is applied to a surface in a thick and textured manner, creating a three-dimensional effect.

Map of Grief / Gifts of Grief

Here’s your art therapy prompt:

In this practice, we will be tending to underpainting and impasto painting not as techniques, but as encouragement to make marks on a fresh blank canvas, revisit and build on our images as a container for your emotions. 

Here are the materials you will be playing with:

Your choice of paint**: watercolours, acrylic paint, gouache or oil

Your choice of pencils/crayons: pens, pencil crayons, watercolour pencils

Your choice of materials that represent gifts: cool stickers, sparkly gel pens, dried pressed flowers, glitter, etc. 

 

Part 1: A Wash ⽔ (water)

• Start off with a thin wash of your choice of paint as a base. 
• Let it dry.

 

Part 2: Depth ⼟ (earth)

• Layer on with additional washes, or working your choice of pencils/crayons, add onto your image to create interest or depth. 

• You may choose to play with symbols and metaphors in mind throughout this process.

• You can add as many layers as you wish.

 

Part 3: The Gifts ⼼ (heart)

• Hopefully this is a fun and enjoyable part: add on your coolest stickers, draw with sparkly gel pens, glitter, to represent the gifts of heartwork. 
• Play with symbols and metaphors in mind and let your unique processing run free!

• You may even choose to revisit the image again and again to add or edit more layers and insights.

 

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

**Please note that the more fluid the paint is, the less control you may have with the medium of choice. With this in mind, choose what you currently have emotional capacity for. Work with water-based paints with water-based pens and pencils or oil-based paints with oil-based crayons.

After you finish your art piece…

In a notebook or on a piece of paper (it can be on the back of your art piece too), scribble and note down anything that is within your capacity to reflect on from this exercise.

Here are reflection questions for you:

• Were there any moments of slowing down, points in time yearning for attention from you?

• If resistance showed up: can you name what tried to protect you from going into this exercise or going into points of your grief that may be too big to handle in the moment. You are welcome to draw the resistance out too.

How did that go for you? If you wanted to share your artwork or thoughts, feel free to email me at linda@deciphercounselling.com.

Save this art therapy prompt and come back to it for another day. If you know someone who may like this, share this prompt with them!

Thanks so much for being here and trying something new!

"Imposter syndrome is a manifestation of the imposter system. Break free from it, for you are the true architects of change." 

- Angela Davis

To you with a body trying to survive in a world where diet culture and transphobia still exists… 

To you with a parental figure who neglects your emotions instead of honouring them…

To your younger self who didn't have the language or resources to see and react properly to what was going on…

To you who experienced hurt, so strong, that you have had to step away, numb from presence in order to survive and keep floating on…

To you who have lived through painful experiences, dodging threats, tone policing yourself to the point where you filtered too much of your true self out and you are left with an imposter identity that you can't even recognize…

 

You're not an imposter, you're just dealing with grief.

Grief demands our presence and shows us that we are indeed human. That our heart is working/doing their job. 

It's the essential part of heartwork: a practice connecting us fully to what we value and addresses our competency to understand and stand by what we are going through. 

Grieving and heartwork offers us the gift of choosing our humanity above all else: choosing decisions that are for us, not just the sake of avoiding conflict or ensuring ‘safety’ in face of a concern or threat (aka our good friend, fawning).

Heartwork, grieving and reacting properly to what had happened/is happening around me, addresses the very points that supports me to clarify and stay true to who I am.

"We are not imposters in our own struggle.
Our voices, our experiences, and our pain are valid and necessary."

- Assata Shakur

I hope grief and heartwork can become your ‘roman empire’ 

💭🏛️🕊️🏹✨

… the way it keeps you pondering on the daily and fascinated by it's magnificence 

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Resources on Grief:

These are based on my personal journey which can look very different from yours. I’m sharing this list with any of you who may need a place to start. 

Many of these resources are from folks I work with and friends who shared them with me over the course of my journey.

Words:

Gabbes Torres’ pdf on grief and trauma
Time is a mother - Ocean Vuong
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief - Francis Weller
What my Bones Know - Stephanie Foo
Falling Back in Love with Being Human - Kai Cheng Them

Watch: 

“Everything Everywhere All At Once”
“Turning Red”
“Undone” (TV series)
"The Farewell"
“Inside Out”
“Riceboy Sleeps”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

 The Floating Perspective, popularized by Guo Xi (郭熙), a Chinese painter from the Song dynasty, is the type of perspective commonly seen in historical Chinese art with sceneries where there is not a single view of a subject, but rather several shown at the same time, shifting from near to far vignettes.

 

I wanted to bring this creative way of relating our what we go through into art as therapy and I have an art prompt for you!

 

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

 

Here's your art as therapy prompt: 
An Image of Concern
 

Draw out a concern* you want to view or acknowledge from (a) perspective(s) that is supportive, from (an) angle(s) that is safe-enough for your capacity at this moment.

 

*If you don’t like drawing or painting, you are so welcome to make digital art, create a collage, a sculpture or look for images on Pinterest that can represent what your concern is. Ideas here are limitless!

 

Exploring your image of concern from different angles can look like:

• peeking in: through a barrier (like glass window, or from a door)

• zooming out

• from a birds eyed view

• through a container with the problem inside

• inviting in someone you trust

• like that iceberg visual aid to see what’s on the surface and what may be underneath …and more…

You are welcome to alter and change this perspective whenever you revisit this image in the future.

Please be mindful of the sizing, material, border, making sure the materials you choose can hold your image of concern.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

And some reflection questions when you finish your art making process:

 

• What is it like to express this concern into an image?

• How do you relate to your concern; and is there a shift with how you relate to your image of concern?

• Is there a portion of this concern that is externalized (aka. you are no longer holding onto or blaming yourself for)?
 

• How do you receive context from your lived experience of your concern vs. your image of concern? 

Receiving context can be: information gathering, perspective taking, the organizing of the story of concern, getting feedback etc. (ask Chat GPT: "how do humans receive context from a problem in their life?" if you're stuck here)

How did that go for you? If you wanted to share your artwork or thoughts, feel free to email me at linda@deciphercounselling.com.

Save this art therapy prompt and come back to it for another day. If you know someone who may like this, share this prompt with them!

Thanks so much for being here and trying something new!