Posts tagged care
Friendships: choosing each other in a culture that doesn't
 
 

from our newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, RCAT

Growing up my grandma who raised me always said, “friendships and learning to connect with others help us cross the bridges of life” 🪷 ୧ ‧ ˚ (this is roughly translated to English)

A couple of decades later, I find myself circling back to her wisdom, because building connections and friendships is active resistance to capitalism and individualism. Friendship is a refusal of a culture that tells us to stay polished, self-contained, hyperindependent, and endlessly ‘productive’.

 

But here’s the question, how do we actually build real friendships when we’re swimming in a culture that glorifies capitalism, perfectionism, and even buying into community, when it's dressed up as 'self-respect'?

 

via Pinterest

-`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´-

Reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship.

Robin Wall Kimmerer reminds us that reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship. The Earth offers us gifts—berries, shade, clean water—not so we can hoard them, but so we can learn the joy of giving back. Reciprocity flows in a circle, isn't one-sided, sustaining everyone involved. It also reminds me of generosity, a value my mother taught me.

When we strive to live in the rhythm of reciprocity instead of keeping score, we learn to offer, and make room to receive. 

We make listening as important as speaking, holding as important as being held. 

 Reciprocity doesn’t keep score; it trusts that when we give, it returns in another form, in another season.


-`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  

sleepover and zine making a friend~

Prioritize connection > productivity! 

Individualism and capitalism teaches us to prioritize our needs above our communities and view relationships as transactional.

It's literally designed to keep us in disconnection and in loneliness.

There were so many days when I find myself after a full day of work and feeling so exhausted to make plans with people who support my nervous system and would interrupt these cycles of anxiety.

snippet of my friendship mantras zine!

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Rest and pleasure are portals to receiving care and love

Especially when we are trained/conditioned to work, serve, and over-function, choosing rest, joy, pleasure, and time with friends is a way to restore love’s presence in our lives. Communion helps us interrupt cycles of hurt: healing personal wounds with relationships and those passed down through generations and systemic oppression. 

Prioritizing our needs is not above our relationships (capitalism/individualism) nor is our relationship above our needs (relational trauma/wounding).

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

via Pinterest

⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹

 

Communion is the antidote to loneliness and alienation! 


Communion counters loneliness and alienation. Our culture reinforces individualistic behaviours, which shape how we maintain—or let go of—relationships, like the drifting or disappearance of friendships in adulthood after life changes such as moving away, starting a new relationship, landing a new job, or having a child.

 

bell hooks reminds me in Communion that true connection invites us into intimacy, belonging, and presence. 

 

I’ve been practicing little ways of stepping off the hamster wheel, where I prioritize friendships and relationships instead of letting the system dictate my pace. I’m learning again and again that connection can be one of our greatest sources of nourishment and healing.

 

When we slow down enough to be with a friend, we’re pushing back against the myth that our value lies only in output.

 

Whether it’s cooking a meal together, walking or playing at the park, or even having an adult sleepover (SO fun), friendships are how we choose connection over keeping score, competition, and the endless busyness capitalism asks of us. 𖦹

 

⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊。ꕤ˚₊⊹

So here's to choosing each other in a culture that doesn't.

 

₊˚🍏 ྀ౿ written by yours truly, Linda

 

Community building events coming to Decipher this Fall/Winter!


monthly TEAR CLUB! (anti-perfectionism) with Chloe, our art therapist .ᐟ.ᐟ ˚⊹

 

✮ weekly OFF-SCREEN HOURS art therapy drop-ins with our interns coming soon .ᐟ.ᐟ ⋆˙⟡

 

A space where we can build community, make art, and connect more deeply with yourself and the world! Think of it as a group therapy session, but in a fun, casual, community-focused way, away from screens and winding down from our week.

 

Also a perfect activity for rainy days with a friend or two in our studio located in downtown ‘Vancouver’.

Check back soon for updates!

 
 
Why do People Self-harm?
 
 

Struggling to understand this behaviour, especially when you are supporting someone close to you struggling with this behaviour, can be very difficult. Self-harming is such an important topic and is in need of more awareness in the mental health realm, which is why I was inspired to write about this.


Self-harming is a way to regain emotional balance to extremely disturbing emotional disturbances. These behaviours could be symbolic to taking an aspirin for recurring headaches—there is immediate relief, but the pain is guaranteed to resurface.

Self-harming include not only self-injuring but also behaviours such as food restriction, binging and purging, or binge drinking and drug addictions. These behaviours could stem from mental health concerns such as trauma and coping with depression, anxiety, grief and loss, and pressure from life transitions.


The two most common reasons for self-harming are:

1. to control the extremely painful and frightening experience of overwhelming emotions


2. to escape from the awful feeling of being numb and empty.⁣

How you can help if you know someone who is struggling with self-harming:⁣


• Don’t be afraid to ask what they are going through or if they have anyone they trust who they can talk to about what is happening.⁣ Follow your instincts: if you suspect signs of depression or suicidal thoughts/ideation, ask them. The conversation might be missed if no one talks about it.

• When the conversation starts, empathy and validation are crucial: communicating that you understand and value the other person’s experience (especially emotional experience), even when you may not necessarily share the same opinion.⁣ Showing up is more helpful than you think.

• Typical reassurance techniques may not work: such as “time will pass” or “can’t you choose to be happy?” may be seen as inconsiderable and could do more harm than good.⁣


• Help them find resources. Find a mental health professional who can help them gain coping strategies to manage self-harm and for them to have a secure, confidential space to talk about what they are experiencing. Your job is not there to fix/solve it.


Mental health professionals go through years of training to create a secure environment for those hurting to express what’s happening and they provide unconditional positive regard. If the professional specializes in the self-harm behaviour you are struggling with, please reach out. Your story is important. You do not have to struggle with this overwhelm alone.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call one of the numbers below:

  • 9-1-1 if you are in an emergency.

  • 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) if you are considering suicide or are concerned about someone who may be.

  • 310Mental Health Support at 310-6789 (no area code needed) for emotional support, information and resources specific to mental health. 

  • Kid’s Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 to speak to a professional counsellor, 24 hours a day.

    For more information please visit this link.

    Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this
    link.