Why do People Self-harm?
Struggling to understand this behaviour, especially when you are supporting someone close to you struggling with this behaviour, can be very difficult. Self-harming is such an important topic and is in need of more awareness in the mental health realm, which is why I was inspired to write about this.
Self-harming is a way to regain emotional balance to extremely disturbing emotional disturbances. These behaviours could be symbolic to taking an aspirin for recurring headaches—there is immediate relief, but the pain is guaranteed to resurface.
Self-harming include not only self-injuring but also behaviours such as food restriction, binging and purging, or binge drinking and drug addictions. These behaviours could stem from mental health concerns such as trauma and coping with depression, anxiety, grief and loss, and pressure from life transitions.
The two most common reasons for self-harming are:
1. to control the extremely painful and frightening experience of overwhelming emotions
2. to escape from the awful feeling of being numb and empty.
How you can help if you know someone who is struggling with self-harming:
• Don’t be afraid to ask what they are going through or if they have anyone they trust who they can talk to about what is happening. Follow your instincts: if you suspect signs of depression or suicidal thoughts/ideation, ask them. The conversation might be missed if no one talks about it.
• When the conversation starts, empathy and validation are crucial: communicating that you understand and value the other person’s experience (especially emotional experience), even when you may not necessarily share the same opinion. Showing up is more helpful than you think.
• Typical reassurance techniques may not work: such as “time will pass” or “can’t you choose to be happy?” may be seen as inconsiderable and could do more harm than good.
• Help them find resources. Find a mental health professional who can help them gain coping strategies to manage self-harm and for them to have a secure, confidential space to talk about what they are experiencing. Your job is not there to fix/solve it.
Mental health professionals go through years of training to create a secure environment for those hurting to express what’s happening and they provide unconditional positive regard. If the professional specializes in the self-harm behaviour you are struggling with, please reach out. Your story is important. You do not have to struggle with this overwhelm alone.
If you or someone you know needs help, here are some Crisis Resources if community isn’t available:
(we try to include ones that don’t involve police intervention)
• List of Alternatives to Police Wellness Checks in ‘Vancouver’
• Explaining the Care not Cops Model
• Indigenous Crisis Response Team: 604-219-9384; icrt@vch.ca; Mon-Fri 8:30am-4:30pm (for holistic, culturally safe, crisis response for people in the DTES; bypass police intervention!)
• Mental Health Support Line: 310-6789 (no area code; connects to local BC crisis line without the wait; may involve cops)
Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this link.