from our newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, RCAT

Growing up my grandma who raised me always said, “friendships and learning to connect with others help us cross the bridges of life” 🪷 ୧ ‧ ˚ (this is roughly translated to English)

A couple of decades later, I find myself circling back to her wisdom, because building connections and friendships is active resistance to capitalism and individualism. Friendship is a refusal of a culture that tells us to stay polished, self-contained, hyperindependent, and endlessly ‘productive’.

But here’s the question, how do we actually build real friendships when we’re swimming in a culture that glorifies capitalism, perfectionism, and even buying into community, when it's dressed up as 'self-respect'?

via Pinterest

-`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´- -`♡´-

Reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship.

Robin Wall Kimmerer reminds us that reciprocity is the heartbeat of relationship. The Earth offers us gifts—berries, shade, clean water—not so we can hoard them, but so we can learn the joy of giving back. Reciprocity flows in a circle, isn't one-sided, sustaining everyone involved. It also reminds me of generosity, a value my mother taught me.

When we strive to live in the rhythm of reciprocity instead of keeping score, we learn to offer, and make room to receive. 

We make listening as important as speaking, holding as important as being held. 

 Reciprocity doesn’t keep score; it trusts that when we give, it returns in another form, in another season.

-`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  -`♡´-  

sleepover and zine making a friend~

Prioritize connection > productivity! 

Individualism and capitalism teaches us to prioritize our needs above our communities and view relationships as transactional.

It's literally designed to keep us in disconnection and in loneliness.

There were so many days when I find myself after a full day of work and feeling so exhausted to make plans with people who support my nervous system and would interrupt these cycles of anxiety.

snippet of my friendship mantras zine!

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

Rest and pleasure are portals to receiving care and love ♡

Especially when we are trained/conditioned to work, serve, and over-function, choosing rest, joy, pleasure, and time with friends is a way to restore love’s presence in our lives. Communion helps us interrupt cycles of hurt: healing personal wounds with relationships and those passed down through generations and systemic oppression. 

Prioritizing our needs is not above our relationships (capitalism/individualism) nor is our relationship above our needs (relational trauma/wounding).

✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

via Pinterest

⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹

Communion is the antidote to loneliness and alienation! 

Communion counters loneliness and alienation. Our culture reinforces individualistic behaviours, which shape how we maintain—or let go of—relationships, like the drifting or disappearance of friendships in adulthood after life changes such as moving away, starting a new relationship, landing a new job, or having a child.

bell hooks reminds me in Communion that true connection invites us into intimacy, belonging, and presence. 

I’ve been practicing little ways of stepping off the hamster wheel, where I prioritize friendships and relationships instead of letting the system dictate my pace. I’m learning again and again that connection can be one of our greatest sources of nourishment and healing.

When we slow down enough to be with a friend, we’re pushing back against the myth that our value lies only in output.

Whether it’s cooking a meal together, walking or playing at the park, or even having an adult sleepover (SO fun), friendships are how we choose connection over keeping score, competition, and the endless busyness capitalism asks of us. 𖦹

⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹⊹₊｡ꕤ˚₊⊹

So here's to choosing each other in a culture that doesn't.

₊˚🍏 ྀ౿ written by yours truly, Linda

Community building events coming to Decipher this Fall/Winter!

✮ monthly TEAR CLUB! (anti-perfectionism) with Chloe, our art therapist .ᐟ.ᐟ ˚⊹

 

✮ weekly OFF-SCREEN HOURS art therapy drop-ins with our interns coming soon .ᐟ.ᐟ ⋆˙⟡

A space where we can build community, make art, and connect more deeply with yourself and the world! Think of it as a group therapy session, but in a fun, casual, community-focused way, away from screens and winding down from our week.

Also a perfect activity for rainy days with a friend or two in our studio located in downtown ‘Vancouver’.

Check back soon for updates!

quick note: this blog post is not written by AI. The writing below features ideas and wisdom of artists, personal journalling and newsletter writing, curated to what a therapist feels the world is needing these days. 

Image via @realizationbypea

from our newsletter, written by Linda Lin, RCC, RCAT

Be real with me… what is your relationship with time like?  ୧ ‧ ˚ 

When I am overwhelmed, time feels like the scariest, most unattainable currency that I cannot get back once it pasts by. From the hours, minutes to seconds, I find myself reacting to my thoughts, the ‘standards’ and shoulds on how I need to be spending my time and transforming it into something valuable, productive, ~rich~.

This obsession leaks into how I see money, work, relationships and I'd hate to admit this, my entire sense of self.

I’ve met so many people who try to force outcomes to ‘shape their reality.’ That might look like getting a perfect job with no career gaps or trying to appear as though they have their life together by a certain age (we're not even on linkedin btw •̀ ᴖ •́). Over time, those expectations can attach themselves to our identity and perceived reality.

via pinterest

The more we obsess over time, the more it breeds fear, frustration, hesitation and misalignment.

Did you know? 
Your energy is your most VALUABLE resource in life.

Therefore where you put your time and attention determines everything.

Instead of forcing outcomes, what if we start curating your reality with alignment, creative direction, and thoughtful refinement. Like an artist curating their work 𖦹

via pinterest

I journaled this the other day: “my relationship with time is kind, sweet, caring, full of life, light”

Perhaps mourning/stressing about time and next thing, which is heavy in weight, is dictating a relationship with time that isn’t valuable to me!

We cannot time hop in multiple streams of consciousness. 

So disappointing, am I right? It's really too bad that we can’t live in every parallel timeline like we are everything everywhere all at once. Trying to juggle all the goals, tasks, and “what ifs,” whether it’s making our days off perfect or savouring the end of summer, usually just leaves us with an abstract and confused state of feeling.

HOWEVER, I’ve been thinking a lot about quantum leaping, also called timeline jumping. The idea is that if you’re on level 1 and you want to get to level 8, it’s really about giving yourself room to believe that level 8 is just the next step, waiting for you.

Time is not something we need to centre and obsess over.

Thanks to this tiktok I watched last month, I've been on this case ever since. Obsessing about time traps us in procrastination, locks us into overwhelm, and confines us to cycles of productivity and capitalist urgency which are the very things we don’t want taking over our lives.

When our most easeful and fluid path (the realm where time flow exists) starts to blur under pressure, how can we anchor ourselves to remember how we want time and life to truly feel?

Here’s your art journalling prompt:

Draw and describe how fluid time is to you currently. Draw a portal that allows you to experience time the way you want time to feel.
 

Use your fave mediums: Mine are stickers, collaging, digital media like Pinterest images, sparkly gel pens, words, pencil crayons, oil pastels, coloured pens to express myself.

From this prompt, TIME IS A MEADOW came up for me. I call her, Mother Time. Instead of me trying to micro-manage/control time, or duelling it out with time, she is here to support me. This isn't a battle. I also don't have to mother time. Time is here for me and with me. I'm rolling with it and curious to what this art prompt will reveal for you!

TLDR; or don't feel like journalling? Try reflecting on this in the month ahead:

✩ Gently build curiosity by learning your unique rhythm and pace.

✩ Practice your ability to redirect and focus with purpose and intention. 

✩ Slowly expand your capacity for flow instead of control with time.

I see you! ⋆˙⟡ written by yours truly, Linda

written by Maryam Dada, M.A., RCC
mildly edited by Linda Lin, RCC, CCC, RCAT

I started watching the hit show Severance on the recommendation of one of my besties who works in the corporate world. The show, which is currently receiving a lot of attention for its sci-fi portrayal of ‘work-life balance,’ depicts the lives of corporate workers at Lumon, a Biotech company. These employees have undergone a surgical procedure, known as severance, that allows them to mentally separate their work life from their personal life. An implanted device causes employees to lose all their memories of the outside world, which then creates a split personality— the “innie” who works at Lumon, and the “outie” who gets to live their personal life.

We’re going to be exploring the importance of mind-body connection, explain the role of our nervous systems (specifically the ANS), and what it looks like to live an ‘embodied’ life.

What Is Severance Really Saying About Work-Life Balance?

As I was watching, I couldn't help but think of all the different mental health implications of a severance procedure while also recognizing the appeal of getting some separation from work and the very coveted ‘work life balance’… especially under late-stage capitalism. 

Severance is set in the near future where getting this medical procedure is certainly controversial but also advertised, encouraged, and appealing for many. 

The main character, Mark, was a history professor at the local university whose wife died in a car accident. We learn that Mark chose to work for Lumon because it was easier than grieving his dead wife; which of course, is not the healthiest solution for grief and loss, but it does humanize our main character and sets the premise for some pretty important mental health questions. Namely, can work-life balance be achieved by splitting our personalities?

If our work personas only exist at work, it sure would make it a lot easier to not bring work home, to not think about work after hours, or to work overtime. And for our main character, Mark, having the option of forgetting about his partner’s death, seems like a surefire way to not deal with it™. 

Although, I wonder how true that actually is. 

While a very interesting premise and story-line, with many different undertones about our society and the emphasis we place on work, and how human beings respond to and deal with trauma, or even the ethical implications about having what is essentially a clone…

I think one of the biggest considerations for me was thinking about what happens to our bodies. 

The Mind-Body Connection: Why Compartmentalization Doesn't Work

From a therapeutic perspective, we might be able to mentally compartmentalize parts of our lives and that kind of organization can certainly be helpful, however we cannot escape from our bodily sensations. 

The mind-body connection operates on the belief that our mental and physical health are linked (Pally, 1998). When we feel dysregulated or even discomfort, we are likely experiencing a mental and physical symptom. 

For example, when you are feeling anxious you might start to have racing thoughts, while also noticing your muscles tensing or your palms becoming sweaty, you could have butterflies in your tummy, or even be feeling nauseous.

Strengthening the mind-body connection is a gentle reminder that we are made up of not only our mental states but also our physical states. It’s acknowledging that our bodies are not simply vehicles for our minds, but that two work in tandem to keep us healthy.

Understanding the Autonomic Nervous System and Stress

When we work to strengthen that mind-body connection we are engaging in a form of emotional regulation and directly working with our nervous systems. 



The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

•  is our body’s command centre that influences everything from our breathing to our heart rate and how we navigate and understand stress (Gibbons, 2019). 

• The ANS can be thought of in two parts: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. 

Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Our bodies’ fight or flight response that activates when we perceive a threat. It prepares our body by increasing our heart-rate, blood pressure, and by releasing adrenaline. 

Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Our bodies’ at rest and digest. After a stressful situation, this system allows our body to slow and restore balance. 

ANS and the Severance Department: Our Bodies’ Aren’t Separate

Our ANS plays a big role in our bodies response to stress and furthers the importance of strengthening the mind-body connection. In Severance, characters who’ve undergone the medical procedure are only mentally compartmentalizing their lives. This means that if either the innie or the outie experiences a significant amount of stress or trauma —it will show up in the body for both of them. 

If the fight or flight response gets triggered for the innie at work, their outie will feel the effects of that in their body too. One could even argue that being severed doubles the stress, exacerbated by the fact that neither personality can remember what happens to the other. 

When we start to factor in mind-body connection, including how our autonomic nervous system plays a role, the curtain gets pulled back a bit more, and we see that ‘work-life balance’ for the characters in Severance is merely a mirage. 

Practical Ways to Cultivate an Embodied Life

Our bodies are central to our mental health, when we are living in ways that are embodied or simply, being in tune with the way our body feels throughout the day, we are more likely to engage in the kind of emotional regulation that activates the parasympathetic nervous system — when we are recalibrating and at rest. 

This is easier said than done and it takes practice. It’s a normal thing to want to compartmentalize, run away, or hide from our problems/feelings and a large part of that is societal conditioning to value productivity. 

One of the ways we can practice becoming more embodied is to give ourselves permission to exist, be, and/or live slower but with more intention. This is where somatic interventions like box breathing, grounding exercises, physical activity, or meditations can help by bringing us back into the present moment and creating an awareness of our body to develop a more holistic approach to our healing.

Further Reading on Trauma, Stress, and Embodiment
Invitations for further study

Bodies you can mirror when being in your own is just too much via Instagram @eroticsofliberation https://www.instagram.com/p/DGLGS6WssSC/?igsh=MWVmODAyM2oyYXBoNg==
Book: The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color by Natalie Y. Gutiérrez

Podcast: The Meaning of Embodiment, with Prentis Hempill https://www.ted.com/talks/how_to_be_a_better_human_the_meaning_of_embodiment_w_prentis_hemphill

References: 

Pally, R. (1998). Emotional Processing; The mind-body connection. The International journal of psycho-analysis, 79(2), 349.

Gibbons, C. H. (2019). Basics of autonomic nervous system function. Handbook of clinical neurology, 160, 407-418.

About the Author: 

Maryam is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Decipher. She is currently taking new clients! If you like to explore themes in tv, media, or literature and how it relates to your life or the different things you may be going though, she may be a good fit. 

Interested in exploring work-life balance and embodiment through therapy? Book a session with Maryam today—available online and in person in so-called Vancouver, BC.