There's what it is. 

Then there's what it seems.

Recently most of my concerns shows up as what it seems like initially.

It's as if my actions seem futile.

It seems like like I'm losing it. 

My body, my business and my life seems like they're in their flop era.

Witnessing the age of the neocolonial internet where those who hold power actively outrightly censor untold stories of the oppressed and when allies share their activism, how shadow banned their accounts can become.

Here's what they don't want you to know!

How to access what it is and has always been:

In my community, folks whom I've been reaching out to are helping me to be able to call out all the ridiculous moments it has been seeming like to get to what it actually is.

Oppressive systems are built to prime and gaslight us to feel ‘what it seems’ like. Like we are fraud, or that nothing we do will help and we should just look away…
 

…when it is actually a healthy sign of your humanity if you have been feeling dysregulated, feeling the rage from the grief of witnessing.

Your felt sense of discomfort, grief and rage is living proof of the practice of unlearning and decolonizing. Indigenous teachings tell us that our bodies carry the knowledge, wisdom, pain and wounds from 7+ generations. Rage is our embodied wisdom. 

 If you feel like you are in the smack middle of your ‘flop era’, 
you are in the right place.

The place where there is:

• collective healing towards liberation

• unlearning and resistance from oppressive systems and practices

• access to what it is and to your lineage's wisdom

• emotional healing instead of spiritual bypassing

• creative ways to validate your experiences

• bravery to share wisdom, advocate and call up reps because you're a badass human who cares.

“We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians” 

- Nelson Mandela

The essence of our shared humanity and collective healing is to build a container for one another until all of us are free.

Bearing the weight of the thousands of lost dreams and the lifetimes of deep sorrow that will follow won't be possible if we don't come together, continue to call and email reps for a ceasefire NOW. 

Since reading ‘Rest is Resistence’ by Tricia Hersey in the wintertime, this era has been an opening for new portals for Rest.

 I've been feeling the Abundance!

I’ve been unlearning that treading on the hamster wheel is not how I can continue keeping up, but a response I feel from internalized individualist, capitalist and patriarchal messages I’ve been taught all my life.

And when I compulsively convince myself that I can’t ask for help, that I have to fend for myself to soothe the anxiety around my mental health or business side of things… a big chunk of this burden comes from individualism and historical experiences of scarcity from my family lineage that I have often heard about and witnessed growing up…

When your body has been activated in this state for this long, you may begin to mistaken this as the norm. 

Abundance is pretty new for me, and it's the opposite of capitalism's agenda, so it is supposed to feel ‘different’ and ‘not like myself’.

Being able to recognize that ‘not being able to rest’ has its roots in internalized messages of cultural legacy burdens from racism, capitalism, ableism, materialism, individualism and other -isms has been so helpful.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

One July night when I felt Abundance, I had to capture the moment. Here is what Abundance felt like that night:

”When Abundance is felt in my body, it’s the most satisfying, fulfilling sensation ever. Like the best nap I’ve ever taken. Or watching the prettiest sunset beaming through a landscape.

I feel myself put value and pride in the work I do, even when the workload seems invisible.

Abundance is noticing the space, expansion and openness to receive, being myself, not taking myself so seriously. 

Tempering my body to live a bit more courageously and authentically everyday.

I’m writing down these words immediately because I am still welcoming in Abundance from a culture struggling with scarcity.

I want to learn to embody Abundance.

I want to be Abundance.”

Here is the story of Ubuntu (credits to Abby who introduced this in our monthly peer group).

That’s what culture/community in Abundance can be like. 

And it exists already!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I appreciate each and every one of you who resonates with some of these experiences: having complex feelings around slowing down, trying hard to unlearn and smashing the encoded messages around scarcity, capitalism and all the other -isms.

Investing in Relational Justice for our sacred bodies and minds. 
Collective Abundance and Rest is what will sustain us and help us survive this climate.

CW: This next bit is about AI. Please take care of yourself. You don't have to read this. Your wellbeing is much more important than this stuff anyways.

 

 

Is it just me or have institutions been changing their sense of speed to match that of what a machine-learning AI would be? 

The world around us have been fear mongering and warning us that "AI isn’t the future, it’s the present."

 

And as AI becomes more prevalent in our daily lives, it has influenced our expectations and standards for ourselves and how productive we need to be. 

 

Do those ‘not enough’ intrusive thoughts show up for you?

It's definitely been biting me this entire year and I'm so sick of it.

Collectively, it's being felt and it's a lot on our nervous systems, on our communities, and on the way we operate in our daily routines.

It's like adjusting to a pandemic with permanence, coming in fast at us.

This reminds me of the same intense charge race and yt supremacy has on us, and all the other -isms have on the oppressed. 

When it comes to this charge, we tend to override and not look at the impulse, or flight responses our body has tempered for us.

Our bodies KNOW what this is. 

As a therapist, my role is to support and protect our nervous systems (think of it as leaning into our experiential wisdom and presence as we move through the world). And embracing our humanity.

We need to listen to the artists and humans when working with AI. We need to center in our humanity and protect our communities. 

We need to remember what is indispensable about you.

That is what will save us.

If you are in need of a few moments, please stay here and tune into your body. Your breath. The speed of you reading and taking this in. Slow down. Literally go take a break if you feel compelled to.

Play around with your tone of voice as you repeat these words with every inhale. If you're more of a visual person, try imagining an image of each of these mantras… here it goes…
 

I am not a machine. 
PAUSE.

My humanity is vital for life on Earth.

PAUSE.

I am not replaceable. 

PAUSE.

I am indispensable. 

PAUSE.

I am enough just as I am.

PAUSE.

I have ancestral wisdom.

PAUSE.

I am part of creation itself.

PAUSE. And exhale……… 

How is your body doing? 

Can you orient to something supportive around you? 

Let's go with that…