written by Linda Lin, RCC RCAT
FEAR is the number 1 theme I’ve been witnessing throughout therapy sessions these days.
A lot of us are going back to survival mode, while the western world of psychology calls this ‘dysregulation’. Whether it’s dealing with sudden major life transitions, many times out of our control, to the rapid changes of living in the world today, fear comes up hard and fast.
As a client calls it, "honestly our brain is just a meat sac with electricity".
Our brains get mushy and our feelings feel complicated when fear shows up. I see us grabbing at straws, searching for immediate relief, for answers, solutions, quick fixes as we navigate this territory. Then we try to cope with everything at once, and we end up self-sabotaging or freezing in overwhelm when things don’t go the way anxiety wants them to.
It doesn't have to be like that.
Life shouldn't feel THIS complicated.
Here's how I am facing feelings like fear!
(in relevance to dealing with 2026, year of the fire horse)
1. Reminding myself, feelings aren't facts.
What if we didn't treat feelings, fear, rage, disgust, contempt, irritation, dislikes as verdicts?
Imagine what it’d be like if we didn’t treat feelings as hard labels, like “this is just who I am” or “this is how things will always be”, but as guidance we can listen to, not obey.
Feelings always signal what matters to us.
They point to our unmet needs, unclaimed desires, and the ideas or beliefs we never consciously chose.
Kinda like when we're driving and we see a sign (the feeling) that says “slippery roads ahead”. This doesn't mean that we are bound to slip and fall so we gotta turn around and go home. We can drive or walk through with care, be mindful to go a little slower, or stay on parts of the road that feel safer.
I'd like to believe that feelings are always trying their best to guide us toward what hurts, what matters, and what needs care. They’re asking for our attention and trust.
At its very core, feelings want us to remember that we matter — that we are deserving of understanding, even when listening to this might change everything we once believed.
Pause for a moment. Take a breath.
Notice how these words land for you before you continue reading.
ᯓ :ִ ࣪✩ ݁∶⊹˖ᯓ⭑ᯓ :ִ ࣪✮ ݁∶ ᯓ :ִ ࣪✧ ݁∶
2. Practice the art of decision making.
Act before courage feels perfect. What if we focused on honesty instead of busyness, or the pressure to make everything “just right,” as if we were performing for a critical audience?
Building awareness. When we slow down, we can see ourselves more clearly like our values, desires, what we care for, and the unique energy we bring into the world.
Part of presence building is slowing down and taking courage toward attempting. We don’t have to go far or move fast. The focus is more of that simple noticing and listening to what we need in the moment.
Practices like art journaling, using stickers and prompts, bibliotherapy and building in small rewards or celebrations, like a Big Paper Planning Day, have helped me build the courage to simply start.
3. Your goals need to be neuro-informed!
Hate to break it to ya but did you know SMART goals increases fear and anxiety?
SMART goals may sound clear, functional, reasonable and responsible (due to surviving under a capitalist system)
…but people find that SMART goals work hand in hand with their anxiety and cognition instead of our energy and noticing what is happening in the present moment.
An example like, “I have to go to the gym 5x this week.”
Our brain will do this thing by adding extra rules with it.
“No matter what.”
“Push harder than yesterday.”
“Okay now increase the sets by 5%.”
Before we know it, the goal stops feeling motivating and we can't put ourselves to actually do it.
So why does demanding X amount by a certain time, in a specific way, make us anxious and self-critical?
It’s similar to how we overcomplicate our art, writing, and projects. We are trained to take pride in being driven by anxiety, perfectionism, the need to “look busy,” thinking that more effort will better ourselves so that we could finally meet our goals.
Deep down, we know that all that pressure, all that busy-work rarely moves the needle and most often than not, we become frozen by overwhelm and FEAR.
That's because SMART goals originated from a place that was NEVER meant to be used for personal development! ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!
SMART goals started as a management tool for organizations and the C-suite. It wasn’t built for emotional well-being since the beginning, but to keep employees in check.
Did you know? The A in SMART originally stood for Assignable, not Achievable 😒 That’s why they land so cognitively, cold, performance-obsessed when we apply them to day-to-day goals we have for ourselves.
For many of us, SMART goals lead to disappointment, lower self-esteem, and spike our anxiety. Say we’re low in energy, but we set these goals when we were high in hope. The same SMART goals can then make us feel disappointed, “not good enough,” or “inconsistent” when life doesn’t go exactly as planned.
TLDR; SMART goals weren’t made in accommodation to emotional wellbeing, neurodivergence, context to our current energy level, or to nuances and sensitivities, and when times are multi-faceted (feeling collective despair as an example).
4. Our identity builds when we see ourselves as consistent.
When we show up consistently, even in small ways, our sense of self starts to feel real, and fear becomes less relevant. Self‑perception forms when we are a certain way because we have acted that way repeatedly.
Like when we set boundaries consistently, and it strengthens the way we see ourselves, while sustaining our relationships. A win-win-win!?!
Research shows that when our actions align with our values on a regular basis, the brain strengthens neural pathways that reinforce our self-image over time. Consistency isn’t about perfection, it’s about building a reliable story of who we are.
5. Simplify everything with essence goals.
Essence goals sound almost too simple, but they actually work. Instead of overcomplicating life with logic and overthinking, they guide us back to what really matters: our values and desires.
This is what essence means to me ↓
Essence is unwavering in self-advocacy and protection with unconditional acceptance of our values.
Essence brings deep attunement like the way nature and land show up. Like a grounded tree or a portal accessing our intuition.
I’d like to imagine that our essence has been with us our whole life.
Essence goals are adaptive, discerning, and handles nuances. They focus on how we actually want to feel, live, and move through the world.
Instead of pushing past our capacities, we practice honouring our emotional reality!
Examples can look something like this:
“Move in ways that make me feel alive and strong this week.”
“Show up for my community with presence and solidarity.”
“Unplug easily and celebrate after each workday.”
So here’s to more moments of tuning into your innate wisdom (which is backed by science btw.ᐟ.ᐟ ) to support your emotional wellbeing.
Always in your corner,
Linda ♡
