There's what it is. 

Then there's what it seems.

Recently most of my concerns shows up as what it seems like initially.

It's as if my actions seem futile.

It seems like like I'm losing it. 

My body, my business and my life seems like they're in their flop era.

Witnessing the age of the neocolonial internet where those who hold power actively outrightly censor untold stories of the oppressed and when allies share their activism, how shadow banned their accounts can become.

Here's what they don't want you to know!

How to access what it is and has always been:

In my community, folks whom I've been reaching out to are helping me to be able to call out all the ridiculous moments it has been seeming like to get to what it actually is.

Oppressive systems are built to prime and gaslight us to feel ‘what it seems’ like. Like we are fraud, or that nothing we do will help and we should just look away…
 

…when it is actually a healthy sign of your humanity if you have been feeling dysregulated, feeling the rage from the grief of witnessing.

Your felt sense of discomfort, grief and rage is living proof of the practice of unlearning and decolonizing. Indigenous teachings tell us that our bodies carry the knowledge, wisdom, pain and wounds from 7+ generations. Rage is our embodied wisdom. 

 If you feel like you are in the smack middle of your ‘flop era’, 
you are in the right place.

The place where there is:

• collective healing towards liberation

• unlearning and resistance from oppressive systems and practices

• access to what it is and to your lineage's wisdom

• emotional healing instead of spiritual bypassing

• creative ways to validate your experiences

• bravery to share wisdom, advocate and call up reps because you're a badass human who cares.

“We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians” 

- Nelson Mandela

The essence of our shared humanity and collective healing is to build a container for one another until all of us are free.

Bearing the weight of the thousands of lost dreams and the lifetimes of deep sorrow that will follow won't be possible if we don't come together, continue to call and email reps for a ceasefire NOW. 

If you have been looking for a compassionate therapist who advocates for you... I’m excited to share with you Natasha on our team! Find out what has been Natasha's journey like to becoming a therapist, areas she feels delighted to work with, and her current favourite resource!

What’s been your journey to becoming a therapist?

I have always played the role of the peacekeeper in both my biological family and in various friend groups growing up. I was the person people always came to, to talk with and to vent to. It’s a role I always felt comfortable in.

My journey to becoming a therapist however started in my first year of my undergrad where I originally started my BSc with the hopes of eventually being a dentist, however this changed after I did a work placement at the Edmonton Drug Treatment Court, which is an amazing program where people can get out of prison if they can prove their crimes were committed to feed their addiction. Individuals are then put into supportive housing, have a social worker, counsellor, probation officer and attend various groups and meetings and each week speak to a judge about the good they have done for themselves that week. I immediately knew after this week I wanted a career in the clinical counselling field and to specialize in both trauma and addiction.

Being an Indigenous individual I also wanted to help my community heal from intergenerational trauma and to help with the process of decolonizing therapy. As I have seen first hand the effects of intergenerational trauma and the trauma Indigenous people have faced from the medical system.

I am also someone who is on their own healing journey and I really credit my life to the amazing therapists I have had. This has allowed me to believe in therapy with my whole being and understand how life changing it can be which also added to my own journey of becoming a therapist.

What are some areas and topics you feel delighted to work with?

I work outside of private practice at both a men’s treatment facility and at an Indigenous Health Center and in those places I work mostly with Indigenous individuals struggling with addiction, trauma, anxiety and depression.

In private practice I work mostly with BIPOC and/or Queer Folx and we work on a variety of issues such as trauma, depression, anxiety, life changes, etc. However, some of my most favourite work is long term identity work with clients. Working long-term to really unpack and come to know oneself.

Do you have any tips for someone who is looking for a new therapist?

Definitely come with some questions to ask, my favourite is asking why the therapist got into the field. I also always remind potential clients to book a consultation as consultations are for the client to decide if they feel comfortable with the potential therapist as you feeling comfortable, safe and secure with them will allow you to have the most transformative experience!

Currently, what has been your favourite resource(s)?

My current favourite resource I have been telling all my clients and fellow therapists about is the book “The Pain We Carry” By Natalie Gutierrez, which is about healing from complex PTSD for people of colour (Linda highly recommends this book too!). I believe it needs to become a required reading for all therapists especially therapists who are white and working with BIPOC clients.

Underpaintings and impasto paintings* always reminded me of the history an artwork holds:

The layers upon layers of buried marks, hidden tries, vibrant stories and editions within a painting (aka. an experience). 

They remind me of the dimensions and depth of heartwork, that can capture the sad and longing parts of grief and their gifts of creation and fulfillment that comes with heartwork.

* Underpainting is referred in traditional art as a thin wash or layer that you build on your image; playing with tones, to create depth. 

Impasto painting is a technique in which paint is applied to a surface in a thick and textured manner, creating a three-dimensional effect.

Map of Grief / Gifts of Grief

Here’s your art therapy prompt:

In this practice, we will be tending to underpainting and impasto painting not as techniques, but as encouragement to make marks on a fresh blank canvas, revisit and build on our images as a container for your emotions. 

Here are the materials you will be playing with:

Your choice of paint**: watercolours, acrylic paint, gouache or oil

Your choice of pencils/crayons: pens, pencil crayons, watercolour pencils

Your choice of materials that represent gifts: cool stickers, sparkly gel pens, dried pressed flowers, glitter, etc. 

 

Part 1: A Wash ⽔ (water)

• Start off with a thin wash of your choice of paint as a base. 
• Let it dry.

 

Part 2: Depth ⼟ (earth)

• Layer on with additional washes, or working your choice of pencils/crayons, add onto your image to create interest or depth. 

• You may choose to play with symbols and metaphors in mind throughout this process.

• You can add as many layers as you wish.

 

Part 3: The Gifts ⼼ (heart)

• Hopefully this is a fun and enjoyable part: add on your coolest stickers, draw with sparkly gel pens, glitter, to represent the gifts of heartwork. 
• Play with symbols and metaphors in mind and let your unique processing run free!

• You may even choose to revisit the image again and again to add or edit more layers and insights.

 

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**Please note that the more fluid the paint is, the less control you may have with the medium of choice. With this in mind, choose what you currently have emotional capacity for. Work with water-based paints with water-based pens and pencils or oil-based paints with oil-based crayons.

After you finish your art piece…

In a notebook or on a piece of paper (it can be on the back of your art piece too), scribble and note down anything that is within your capacity to reflect on from this exercise.

Here are reflection questions for you:

• Were there any moments of slowing down, points in time yearning for attention from you?

• If resistance showed up: can you name what tried to protect you from going into this exercise or going into points of your grief that may be too big to handle in the moment. You are welcome to draw the resistance out too.

How did that go for you? If you wanted to share your artwork or thoughts, feel free to email me at linda@deciphercounselling.com.

Save this art therapy prompt and come back to it for another day. If you know someone who may like this, share this prompt with them!

Thanks so much for being here and trying something new!

"Imposter syndrome is a manifestation of the imposter system. Break free from it, for you are the true architects of change." 

- Angela Davis

To you with a body trying to survive in a world where diet culture and transphobia still exists… 

To you with a parental figure who neglects your emotions instead of honouring them…

To your younger self who didn't have the language or resources to see and react properly to what was going on…

To you who experienced hurt, so strong, that you have had to step away, numb from presence in order to survive and keep floating on…

To you who have lived through painful experiences, dodging threats, tone policing yourself to the point where you filtered too much of your true self out and you are left with an imposter identity that you can't even recognize…

 

You're not an imposter, you're just dealing with grief.

Grief demands our presence and shows us that we are indeed human. That our heart is working/doing their job. 

It's the essential part of heartwork: a practice connecting us fully to what we value and addresses our competency to understand and stand by what we are going through. 

Grieving and heartwork offers us the gift of choosing our humanity above all else: choosing decisions that are for us, not just the sake of avoiding conflict or ensuring ‘safety’ in face of a concern or threat (aka our good friend, fawning).

Heartwork, grieving and reacting properly to what had happened/is happening around me, addresses the very points that supports me to clarify and stay true to who I am.

"We are not imposters in our own struggle.
Our voices, our experiences, and our pain are valid and necessary."

- Assata Shakur

I hope grief and heartwork can become your ‘roman empire’ 

💭🏛️🕊️🏹✨

… the way it keeps you pondering on the daily and fascinated by it's magnificence 

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Resources on Grief:

These are based on my personal journey which can look very different from yours. I’m sharing this list with any of you who may need a place to start. 

Many of these resources are from folks I work with and friends who shared them with me over the course of my journey.

Words:

Gabbes Torres’ pdf on grief and trauma
Time is a mother - Ocean Vuong
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief - Francis Weller
What my Bones Know - Stephanie Foo
Falling Back in Love with Being Human - Kai Cheng Them

Watch: 

“Everything Everywhere All At Once”
“Turning Red”
“Undone” (TV series)
"The Farewell"
“Inside Out”
“Riceboy Sleeps”

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