“What should I do?” “What would you do?”

These questions can become controversial in the therapeutic setting and many counselling programs teach therapists to NOT give out advice to clients.

Therapists don’t just give out advice through our support and here are some reasons why that may be…

Advice giving can be unsolicited if we don't fully understand and hear the person's story.

Advice giving can sometimes take active listening and intuition/inner wisdom or critical thinking away from the person.

Are there assumptions behind the advice? When that happens, it could be taken as ignorant and insulting and can do more harm than good!

There may be so much more than just a person asking for advice. For instance… is there 'decision paralysis'?

Does indecisiveness come up because this person hasn't been allowed to make their own decisions? (eg. parents made it for them or their partner would invalidate them)

I’d be curious to learn about the scale of the dilemma and concern is here: What would happen to this person if they were to make a choice?

And who gets to give the advice?

The person who is feeling stuck or who is about to make a big decision is the one doing the work, walking the walk.

That person is the EXPERT of their experience. Not us.

How can we close the power difference when we are around a person 'asking' for advice?

Some questions to reflect on:

• Am I playing the role of the hero or the saviour?

• So I gave them advice- how will the advice be interpreted? Will this person give me feedback on how it went for them?

• Does my advice for them stump or expand their growth as a human?

• How can I offer true support for this person?

TLDR; understanding and listening a person's story is supportive, trying to fix them or their situation is debatable. Advice giving can often times be from your experience - what is theirs?

I don’t see advice giving in the therapy field talked about enough. Curious to know what you think are the differences between getting support and getting advice. And how do you want to feel when you receive support?

My story: As a Canadian-born child of first generation immigrants from China, I saw my parents work weekdays and weekends. Even today, they rarely take a Sunday off for themselves. When I was a child, I remember how rare it was to go to Metrotown mall or to a nearby park for a stroll together as a family. Working has been a way for them to stay afloat overseas. They are also the first from their families of origin to immigrate to Canada.

What is Racial Trauma?

Racial trauma can be described as the experiences of growing up or living in an unjust society where there are discriminatory experiences towards marginalized races, cultures and communities. It can come from dealing with overwhelming experiences based on systemic racism, oppression, discrimination, rejection and shame.

Racial trauma are experiences and incidences that can happen at work settings, school, large or small institutions, within the intimate circles, partnerships, within communities such as living in towns where they don’t see many people who look like them. It could be activated by the exposure to the news of hate crimes towards a certain race.


My story: In elementary school, nobody around me spoke in my mother tongue until I was in grade 4. I remember my teachers put me and all the other POC kids in ESL class automatically because we weren’t white. I remember a high school English teacher told my mom I should never write English papers again. I had to retake English in summer school where I eventually got a higher grade.

What do the experiences look like for BIPOC folks dealing with Racial Trauma?

Manifestations of Internalized Oppression.

Imposter syndrome, Overworking, Self-policing, Racial Inferiority, Code-switching, Assimilation/White-washing, Self-Gaslighting, Scarcity Mindset, Internalized Anti-Blackness, Rejecting Ancestral Practices and Beauty, Shrinking, Internalized Othering…

Dealing with Discrimination.

Experiences of verbal harassment, micro-aggressions, and/or assault.

Isolation.

Overwhelming emotions of feeling “othered” or not seen by society. Wanting to be respected, seen and heard when we feel disrespected, unseen, unheard.

Rage and Anger.

When our problem is being invalidated and isn’t taken seriously, that is extremely upsetting. Where does the rage live when the systems we work at don’t address the problem?

Powerlessness and Helplessness.

Feeling stuck, feeling like we can’t change anything.

Intergenerational and Collective Experiences.

For example, children of immigrants witness or know of their parent/s’ sacrifice, struggle when they came while they try to translate + protect their parent/s growing up.

When our problem is invisible, not seen and unacknowledged by others, it can be traumatizing.

Are there any experiences from this list that you may be grappling with?

Collectively, we are just beginning to awaken and identify our identity as Asians and POC living overseas. We have been living in a society that refused to see our trauma, where our problems weren’t seen as problems, and are just beginning to fight for our experiences we have been facing day-to-day are problems worth exploring.

How can we talk about the current events and issues with our families and friends, whether you come from a BIPOC folk and/or White?

Speaking up and discussing these current issues are opportunities to practice showing up with vulnerability (for BIPOC folks: learning to take up space in this society where we are marginalized) and develop more awareness of where we are in our own racial identity journey and carry possibilities of transformation and healing (for BIPOC folks: knowing that these are issues that matter to us). 

At every moment, we have a choice to TUNE IN or TUNE OUT.

This process brings up HARD, sometimes activating, discussions to tune into. Grief, rage from injustice, anger, and the loss of innocence may show up. We may realize people around us might not be fighting for same causes and haven’t awakened in fighting for same injustice like we are. 

Exploring ways we can practice ‘tuning in’.

Tuning in could look like:
• Checking-in with ourselves
• Noticing PAUSES and discomfort
• Practicing ways to stand in solidarity with our lived experiences
• Unlearning and finding resources as we reflect on what we may be experiencing

Tapping out or tuning out look something like this:  “I don’t believe you”, “I can’t believe you said that”, or to ourselves, “Why am I still upset about this, I should get over it” or “I’m being too sensitive”. 

We need to get curious and lean in to that discomfort instead of pushing it aside. These feelings you are experiencing play an important role in identifying racial injustice and need to be named.  

Ask yourself: How can I stay with the discomfort; PAUSE; and begin to learn my own suffering’s edge?

"Justice is measured in transformation. We are not trying to fix something, [or] get answers. We are trying to unlearn, see and feel [the] oppression versus power [and] injustice."
— Resmaa Menakem, Somatic Abolitionism: The Shift from Strategy to Culture

The Flower Power Chart

Processing. How can we begin this journey?

We can’t discuss racial trauma from a neutral standpoint: unlearning, questioning, decolonizing  and expressing solidarity are ways you can show up in this journey. Racism is Trauma.

What are some questions you have been grappling with when you experience the reckoning of culture, power, dominant discourses, and systemic injustices? 

The Flower Power Chart can be an exercise you can begin to explore power and oppression. You may be considered ‘very privileged’ in a couple areas and ‘oppressed’ in others. Some identities in the ‘Other’ category could be Mental Health Disorder, or Appearance (how you look, dress, present yourself). Reflect on your experiences with each of the identities. I wholeheartedly believe that Every. Single. Identity on this chart is worth exploring. 

Whether you are feeling confusion, questioning, awakening, resisting, or advocating for some type of reform in our world, this chart can be a place to start on this journey. Unpacking, processing, and healing our identity(-ies) is HARD work, but it is so important that each one of us practice doing this work.

There is no prescription towards enlightenment: unpacking racial identity will be different and special from person to person. I hope that you continue to trust the process by tuning into and noticing what you recoil from and ‘tending your roots’ during this healing journey.

Here are some articles I have been featured in on racial trauma:

• Adler University In The Media: https://www.adler.edu/2021/04/09/vancouver-graduate-discusses-racial-trauma-counselling-on-canadian-news-outlets/
• CBC News on Racial Trauma: “Racial trauma counsellor sees spike in patients after increase of anti-Asian attacks” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mNbi5Qty1A
• CBC News The Early Edition Radio show on Racial Trauma: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-91-the-early-edition/clip/15834633-asian-canadians-seeking-mental-health-help-attacks-increase
• CBC News Article “Racial trauma counsellors in B.C. see surge in patients amid ongoing anti-Asian hate” https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/racial-trauma-increase-1.5967649

Also, I am hoping to facilitate some workshops on racial trauma and ways we can reclaim our racial identity. Stay tuned!

Do you struggle with a loud and annoying inner critic voice where you can’t even trust yourself from the hundreds of thoughts that dictate who you are?

Are you someone who would rather tend to others’ needs (aka people pleasing behaviours) to distract yourself from feeling the intense overwhelm that is going on inside you?

Are you feeling lost, stuck and isolated?

Unlearning

Our brain does this thing where we link together selected events into a plot or theme that shapes who we think we are. We devote our efforts into collecting evidence, kind of like a journalist that only reports one-sided, propaganda-like news articles to make sense of what had happened. The brain can produce some strange stories like self-blaming after traumatic events as if we ‘should have known’ or ‘dealt with it better’. When a bunch of these similar articles come together, the brain creates neural networks and boy, have I encountered many harsh ones during therapy sessions as a psychotherapist. 

The problem story

I have my own problem story that I am sharing in this post to illustrate this concept. The headline, “The Isolated Introvert” is the neural network of my problem story. I started noticing that I completely believed it and practiced living like an quiet Asian girl with low self-esteem throughout my adolescent years. It hurt and broke my sense of self. "The Isolated Introvert” story sucked the fun out of everything.

Becoming a Journalist

Along the way, I had a hunch, as a rookie investigator, that “The Isolated Introvert” story wasn’t serving me. I came across this term called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity implies that our brains can literally learn to remap and rewire existing neural pathways and create new ones that help us out. This means that it is never too late (despite the myths out there) that we can practice and adapt new skills so that we can gradually make peace with our problem story.

It is like being given a second chance. I am still revisiting, rewriting the stories I lived through on a daily basis.

The Preferred Story

When I give myself permission to look back and change the headline of my lived experience, I became curious because I was able to recall the moments where I had to go through all of that on my own. I started to develop rare moments of empathy for myself. At this moment, I am able to name the preferred story headline as, “The Mindful Psychotherapist”. “The Mindful Psychotherapist” story owns the hardship of the journey, the resiliency of my spirit, my creativity and empathy which are ways I communicate in this world and is helping me choose to come closer to my suffering to grow with it all.

TLDR; Retelling our narratives can help you to build new neural networks and rewrite old narratives to own back who you are.

I am living to empower and encourage my clients to change the headline and rewrite the version of their story. Also note that it wouldn’t be the same if I had gone through an “easier route”.

I am inviting you to give yourself a second chance. Do you have a problem story? What about your preferred story, are you feeling ready to begin to investigate this? I hope we can work together to retell the stories and own back who you are.

In the first half of this year, we have been going through global trauma from the pandemic. We are aware of racially motivated attacks against Asian communities due to COVID-19 and we have been speaking up on the heavy, intergenerational trauma of Black, Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPOC) communities across the world. These issues come up on our news feeds and in the conversations with our friends and family.

Advocating for social justice and dismantling systems of oppression is powerful, but can also be overwhelming and exhausting. Many of us are experiencing overwhelm and a heightened state of anxiety by the consumption and engagement of heavy topics so I brainstormed a few of my go-to art as therapy containment activities I have been working with to find lightness amidst the waves.

Practicing containment.

Containment means practicing healthy management of emotions, in times of crisis. Containment focuses on reconnecting to resources that are around us and coping strategies that work for us. If you are reading this blog post, you are probably looking for ways to take care of yourself so that you can show up or speak up with courage, compassion and awakened consciousness.

Here are creative ways to honour yourself, find containment and lightness as you intentionally engage with the heaviness around you:

Draw out your experience of the heaviness that is happening in the world today.

This directive can portray and validate what you are feeling and experiencing and can be a great alternative activity to practice mindfulness. Connecting our mind with our body is crucial during moments of overwhelm.

As any therapeutic art making goes, the process can be a contained expression of the heaviness we may be feeling. Containment in your art could look like the type of canvas/paper you draw on and the size of your drawing/painting itself, the materials you choose to work with, working with the language of emotions, a meta-verbal expression without the vulnerability of words to explain what is going on.

If you are looking for more containment, feel free to notice if your art piece needs a border, or somewhere safe to store the artwork. Some examples could be sticking on painter’s tape as borders you can decorate or leave as is after peeling off the tape, or finding an envelope to seal  and store the art piece until you want to revisit it when you are ready. I created numerous art pieces thinking of this directive in mind.

In the back of my art pieces, I love to note down thoughts of what I reflected throughout the creative process. A message I found myself writing down is: “The various issues that deeply matter to others and yourself may be more similar than they appear.” This made me reflect on marginalized communities and movements that we may be advocating for: destigmatizing mental health, SDQTBIPoC folks (sick, disabled, queer, trans, Black, Indigenous, People of Colour), the LGBTQ2S+ community, feminism, immigrant lives and experiences, climate justice and more. There can be so much kindness when we can see the commonalities between what we all stand for. 

What are the messages you express through your art making process?

Container exercise:
Visualize, design and draw out your container with these 3 components…

Design by visualizing and/or drawing the container.

The 3 components that goes into the design of the container:

1. Sturdiness: think about the material it is made out of. Think about the opacity, would you be able to see through what’s inside.

3. A 2-way system: so that you can put worries into the container and take things out of the container. 

2. The inside needs to be comfortable: Part of the design is about how comforting the container is for your fears and worries to stay inside until you are ready to deal with it.

Give the container a name so you can call it out when you are feeling overwhelmed. Write down the name at the back of the drawing to remember it—so you can name it to tame it!

Practice by walking through a recent incident that has been a minor disturbance (a 5/10 in terms of how bothered you are by it) and visualize you putting that worry or fear into the container, sealing it up and storing it away. You can always revisit this worry and deal with it or talk about it when you are ready. Practice this exercise often to solidify and strengthen your memory of this coping strategy.  The container is there to help hold what doesn’t serve you in this moment so that you can do what you want and need to do. 

Do you have a fond memory?
Find a photograph of a time when you felt light or draw out a fond memory that brings you peace.

Practice grounding with a mindful visualization or representation of a memory to contain and help manage overwhelm. This exercise can help to bridge more neural connections to those relaxing experiences and let that hardworking nervous system to rest and recharge.

To strengthen the resource, something I learned in EMDR training is to “tap it in” by doing the butterfly hug (crossing your arms to each side of your shoulder or chest and tapping), tapping your hands on your laps, or tapping your feet—alternating left and right at one second intervals.


I walked through this exercise by reminiscing the 8 hours I spent in Paris last year. Taking in all the senses of what I saw, felt, sounds I heard, and foods I tasted and smelled.

Although our window of tolerance may have gotten smaller, our creativity to adapt to our surroundings have gotten stronger. I have witnessed so much resilience from people around me and from my clients: from the abundance resources and offerings online to ingenious ways we are connecting with those we love. 

Hoping you can give these containment exercises a go and see if any of them can be added into your coping toolbox!