My story: As a Canadian-born child of first generation immigrants from China, I saw my parents work weekdays and weekends. Even today, they rarely take a Sunday off for themselves. When I was a child, I remember how rare it was to go to Metrotown mall or to a nearby park for a stroll together as a family. Working has been a way for them to stay afloat overseas. They are also the first from their families of origin to immigrate to Canada.

What is Racial Trauma?

Racial trauma can be described as the experiences of growing up or living in an unjust society where there are discriminatory experiences towards marginalized races, cultures and communities. It can come from dealing with overwhelming experiences based on systemic racism, oppression, discrimination, rejection and shame.

Racial trauma are experiences and incidences that can happen at work settings, school, large or small institutions, within the intimate circles, partnerships, within communities such as living in towns where they don’t see many people who look like them. It could be activated by the exposure to the news of hate crimes towards a certain race.


My story: In elementary school, nobody around me spoke in my mother tongue until I was in grade 4. I remember my teachers put me and all the other POC kids in ESL class automatically because we weren’t white. I remember a high school English teacher told my mom I should never write English papers again. I had to retake English in summer school where I eventually got a higher grade.

What do the experiences look like for BIPOC folks dealing with Racial Trauma?

Manifestations of Internalized Oppression.

Imposter syndrome, Overworking, Self-policing, Racial Inferiority, Code-switching, Assimilation/White-washing, Self-Gaslighting, Scarcity Mindset, Internalized Anti-Blackness, Rejecting Ancestral Practices and Beauty, Shrinking, Internalized Othering…

Dealing with Discrimination.

Experiences of verbal harassment, micro-aggressions, and/or assault.

Isolation.

Overwhelming emotions of feeling “othered” or not seen by society. Wanting to be respected, seen and heard when we feel disrespected, unseen, unheard.

Rage and Anger.

When our problem is being invalidated and isn’t taken seriously, that is extremely upsetting. Where does the rage live when the systems we work at don’t address the problem?

Powerlessness and Helplessness.

Feeling stuck, feeling like we can’t change anything.

Intergenerational and Collective Experiences.

For example, children of immigrants witness or know of their parent/s’ sacrifice, struggle when they came while they try to translate + protect their parent/s growing up.

When our problem is invisible, not seen and unacknowledged by others, it can be traumatizing.

Are there any experiences from this list that you may be grappling with?

Collectively, we are just beginning to awaken and identify our identity as Asians and POC living overseas. We have been living in a society that refused to see our trauma, where our problems weren’t seen as problems, and are just beginning to fight for our experiences we have been facing day-to-day are problems worth exploring.

How can we talk about the current events and issues with our families and friends, whether you come from a BIPOC folk and/or White?

Speaking up and discussing these current issues are opportunities to practice showing up with vulnerability (for BIPOC folks: learning to take up space in this society where we are marginalized) and develop more awareness of where we are in our own racial identity journey and carry possibilities of transformation and healing (for BIPOC folks: knowing that these are issues that matter to us). 

At every moment, we have a choice to TUNE IN or TUNE OUT.

This process brings up HARD, sometimes activating, discussions to tune into. Grief, rage from injustice, anger, and the loss of innocence may show up. We may realize people around us might not be fighting for same causes and haven’t awakened in fighting for same injustice like we are. 

Exploring ways we can practice ‘tuning in’.

Tuning in could look like:
• Checking-in with ourselves
• Noticing PAUSES and discomfort
• Practicing ways to stand in solidarity with our lived experiences
• Unlearning and finding resources as we reflect on what we may be experiencing

Tapping out or tuning out look something like this:  “I don’t believe you”, “I can’t believe you said that”, or to ourselves, “Why am I still upset about this, I should get over it” or “I’m being too sensitive”. 

We need to get curious and lean in to that discomfort instead of pushing it aside. These feelings you are experiencing play an important role in identifying racial injustice and need to be named.  

Ask yourself: How can I stay with the discomfort; PAUSE; and begin to learn my own suffering’s edge?

"Justice is measured in transformation. We are not trying to fix something, [or] get answers. We are trying to unlearn, see and feel [the] oppression versus power [and] injustice."
— Resmaa Menakem, Somatic Abolitionism: The Shift from Strategy to Culture

The Flower Power Chart

Processing. How can we begin this journey?

We can’t discuss racial trauma from a neutral standpoint: unlearning, questioning, decolonizing  and expressing solidarity are ways you can show up in this journey. Racism is Trauma.

What are some questions you have been grappling with when you experience the reckoning of culture, power, dominant discourses, and systemic injustices? 

The Flower Power Chart can be an exercise you can begin to explore power and oppression. You may be considered ‘very privileged’ in a couple areas and ‘oppressed’ in others. Some identities in the ‘Other’ category could be Mental Health Disorder, or Appearance (how you look, dress, present yourself). Reflect on your experiences with each of the identities. I wholeheartedly believe that Every. Single. Identity on this chart is worth exploring. 

Whether you are feeling confusion, questioning, awakening, resisting, or advocating for some type of reform in our world, this chart can be a place to start on this journey. Unpacking, processing, and healing our identity(-ies) is HARD work, but it is so important that each one of us practice doing this work.

There is no prescription towards enlightenment: unpacking racial identity will be different and special from person to person. I hope that you continue to trust the process by tuning into and noticing what you recoil from and ‘tending your roots’ during this healing journey.

Here are some articles I have been featured in on racial trauma:

• Adler University In The Media: https://www.adler.edu/2021/04/09/vancouver-graduate-discusses-racial-trauma-counselling-on-canadian-news-outlets/
• CBC News on Racial Trauma: “Racial trauma counsellor sees spike in patients after increase of anti-Asian attacks” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mNbi5Qty1A
• CBC News The Early Edition Radio show on Racial Trauma: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/live-radio/1-91-the-early-edition/clip/15834633-asian-canadians-seeking-mental-health-help-attacks-increase
• CBC News Article “Racial trauma counsellors in B.C. see surge in patients amid ongoing anti-Asian hate” https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/racial-trauma-increase-1.5967649

Also, I am hoping to facilitate some workshops on racial trauma and ways we can reclaim our racial identity. Stay tuned!

Do you struggle with a loud and annoying inner critic voice where you can’t even trust yourself from the hundreds of thoughts that dictate who you are?

Are you someone who would rather tend to others’ needs (aka people pleasing behaviours) to distract yourself from feeling the intense overwhelm that is going on inside you?

Are you feeling lost, stuck and isolated?

Unlearning

Our brain does this thing where we link together selected events into a plot or theme that shapes who we think we are. We devote our efforts into collecting evidence, kind of like a journalist that only reports one-sided, propaganda-like news articles to make sense of what had happened. The brain can produce some strange stories like self-blaming after traumatic events as if we ‘should have known’ or ‘dealt with it better’. When a bunch of these similar articles come together, the brain creates neural networks and boy, have I encountered many harsh ones during therapy sessions as a psychotherapist. 

The problem story

I have my own problem story that I am sharing in this post to illustrate this concept. The headline, “The Isolated Introvert” is the neural network of my problem story. I started noticing that I completely believed it and practiced living like an quiet Asian girl with low self-esteem throughout my adolescent years. It hurt and broke my sense of self. "The Isolated Introvert” story sucked the fun out of everything.

Becoming a Journalist

Along the way, I had a hunch, as a rookie investigator, that “The Isolated Introvert” story wasn’t serving me. I came across this term called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity implies that our brains can literally learn to remap and rewire existing neural pathways and create new ones that help us out. This means that it is never too late (despite the myths out there) that we can practice and adapt new skills so that we can gradually make peace with our problem story.

It is like being given a second chance. I am still revisiting, rewriting the stories I lived through on a daily basis.

The Preferred Story

When I give myself permission to look back and change the headline of my lived experience, I became curious because I was able to recall the moments where I had to go through all of that on my own. I started to develop rare moments of empathy for myself. At this moment, I am able to name the preferred story headline as, “The Mindful Psychotherapist”. “The Mindful Psychotherapist” story owns the hardship of the journey, the resiliency of my spirit, my creativity and empathy which are ways I communicate in this world and is helping me choose to come closer to my suffering to grow with it all.

TLDR; Retelling our narratives can help you to build new neural networks and rewrite old narratives to own back who you are.

I am living to empower and encourage my clients to change the headline and rewrite the version of their story. Also note that it wouldn’t be the same if I had gone through an “easier route”.

I am inviting you to give yourself a second chance. Do you have a problem story? What about your preferred story, are you feeling ready to begin to investigate this? I hope we can work together to retell the stories and own back who you are.

“The past affects the present even without our being aware of it.”― Francine Shapiro

Two weeks ago, I attended and completed a 5-day intensive EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) training course. I went in being a skeptic learner. I came out from that training truly feeling the power of EMDR and I am never going back. 

The World Health Organization lists EMDR as one of the most effective treatments for trauma and is part of the clinical protocol in caring for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. EMDR is both an evolving theory about how information is perceived, stored and retrieved in the human brain and a specific treatment method based on this theory (Shapiro, 1995, 2001).

EMDR allows the individual the room to process through ‘unprocessed’ memories and recreate meaning of the memories. EMDR therapy can be helpful in introducing newer and more adaptive neural pathways for what is happening currently and future anxieties as the negative associations are no longer present.

The Neurobiology of Memory

To understand how EMDR therapy works, we need to understand that memories are stored in the brain through neural networks. A neural network is a group of interconnected brain cells—neurons—that fire together. When traumatic memories are stored, they are part of maladaptive neural networks that limits the ability to adapt, process and resolve stress associated with the trauma.

REM Sleep

The eye movements used in EMDR therapy seem to stimulate the same processes that exist in rapid eye movement, or REM sleep. During REM, we are in deep sleep and we may dream. There is also stimulation in learning in the brain. The eye movements in EMDR represents bilateral stimulation that activates both left and right hemispheres of the brain. 

Also similar to REM sleep, eye movements from EMDR therapy help transfer memory, including the emotions, physical sensations and beliefs associated with the original memory, into semantic memory networks (long term memory). 

Who can benefit from EMDR?

A lot of people associate EMDR therapy with trauma, as it’s seen to be effective to treat individuals who struggle with trauma or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. However, EMDR therapy can be integrated into many different populations and mental health concerns such as for self-use, relationships, military, dissociation, children, addictions, grief, phobias and pain.

Which memory of mine can be processed?

EMDR is effective regardless of when the event took place: it could be an incident from 15 minutes ago, 15 years ago. EMDR invites the client to have total free association across their life span: past, present and future. 

EMDR could process the future?

An anxiety refers to our anticipation of a future concern. Anxieties are present feelings of stress that are based on our past learned experiences to prevent and react to any similar situations in our future. Therefore it is possible for some of your anxieties to be linked with the same neural network. 

Self-practice: See if you can group your anxieties together based on past learnings with a core belief. Here is a list of some core beliefs to help you get started.

Is EMDR therapy triggering? What if I don’t want to bring up the past?

There are varying versions of processing through bilateral stimulation (eg. unrestricted, contained, or restricted processing) that the trained EMDR practitioner assesses in which to work with their client based on their best clinical judgement.

What if my eyes are strained or if I get headaches from the eye movements?

Through decades of research on this modality, EMDR therapy is now more adaptive than ever. You don’t have to do eye movements for it to work. Therapists are able to do tapping (eg. alternating from hand to hand), auditory (eg. tones played from one ear to the other), tactile bilateral stimulation depending on what works for the client.

My experience with EMDR

I found that the vividness and the disturbance of the incidents I wanted to process became so much more manageable. The memories I processed didn’t ‘disappear’ after the therapy treatment and I acknowledge and recognize all the emotions from the past experiences. 

However, I was able to let go of the feelings of resentment and disgust* because these were the emotions that kept me from moving past the memory. These were the feelings I latched onto that created the neural connection to keep thinking and reliving it. 

As a therapist, EMDR training gave me glimpses of hope and wonder towards helping out those unable to get past their past. 

*these feelings are subjective to whatever experience/neural network you are processing

Paired with Art Therapy

I found that EMDR resourcing techniques, to access and activate memories, can be worked with Art Therapy especially when it comes to various visualization exercises such as the container and inner peaceful place. 

“Unlike other forms of psychological disorders, the core issue in trauma is reality.”

—Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

Uploaded by VEN EMDR on 2016-06-30.

Further Readings

EMDR Introduction:
Getting Past Your Past — Francine Shapiro, PhD

Foundation of Trauma/PTSD knowledge:
The Body Keeps the Score —Bessel van Der Kolk, MD

How EMDR can help Chronic Pain:
The New Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain: Based on EMDR—Mark Grant, MA

Repairing Relational Trauma:
Attachment Focused EMDR: Healing Relational Trauma— Laurel Parnell

Are you listening to the multi-trillion dollar diet industry that’s rooted in self-control? Are you feeling tired or just fed up with trying to fit into diet culture’s messages around what bodies “should” look like—especially during the summertime? Wouldn’t you rather listen and learn the non-diet mentality that is rooted in self-compassion? This blog post is written to encourage you, the reader, to fill your life with compassion and awareness of your intuition.

In our society, we are trained to be competitive, better, and to aim for above-average in order to be deemed “successful”. We are always told the message that higher self-esteem is better. What happens when we don’t meet our ideal standards and expectations? What happens when we oppress or put down other body types?

Some bitter facts about dieting:

• Research shows that the number one thing women invest in is their self-esteem on their appearance.

• On average, body image concerns for girls start in grade 3.

• 80% of 10 year old girls have already been on a diet.

• 33–35% of 6–8 year old boys indicate their ideal body is thinner than their current body.

• The measurements of the male action figures young boys play with exceed even those of the

  biggest bodybuilders. Talk about unrealistic.

  Diet mentality and weight stigma.

  People in larger bodies often experience hurtful, shaming messages around their body and have higher chronic stress. Research shows that internalized weight stigma from our culture, rather than weight itself is responsible for most if not all of the excess health risks seen in people with larger bodies such as high rates of chronic diseases, heart disease or diabetes.
  

  Diet culture disguised as wellness culture.

  ‘Wellness’ is just another way of teaching and attempting people to control their body with demands on how to eat healthy, prioritize exercising and control weight for ‘aesthetics’ instead of living with peace and being fine with the body you’re in.

  Messages from diet culture are all around us: from the products we buy, food we label as ‘clean’ or ‘junk’, the ‘wellness diets’ that detoxes, cleanses, carb restricts... Diet culture thrives to shame and oppress people who don’t match its image of health. The consequence is the massive amount of time, energy, and money spent trying to shrink our bodies. Diet culture WORSHIPS thinness, as if thin bodies automatically equate to better health and higher power status. The "bikini body" in particular is an oppressive concept that seeks to squeeze women into a specific mold.

  95% of diets fail us.

  Yup, you heard that right: diets have a 95% fail rate (some say it’s close to 98%). Research follow-ups of ‘successful’ diet participants (those who lost weight significantly for a specific program or product) are only up to a year after their diet program is complete. What is not reported is that approximately two-thirds of people who lose weight will regain it within 1 year, and almost all of them will regain it within 5 years. While weight loss could trigger positive (short-term) outcomes, it is usually followed by weight regain.

  Diet culture has engulfed quite a large chunk of my teenage life and mental wellbeing. Growing up, most if not all of my friends around me were in some form of a diet or complained about their body shape or size. Self-sabotaging language around why our bodies are not thin enough, pretty enough, explaining why they aren’t ready for Summer echoed through the media, family, friends, school or work—it seems so hard to find self-compassion in this mess. 

  

False Self versus the True Self

The “Self” is not the only physical part! Why do we often neglect the intellectual, emotional and spiritual parts of the “Self”? All these parts are equally as important in understanding self- image.

The false self is like a shell, attempting to be molded into or shaped to achieve world ‘ideals’. This never-ending criticism of the false mind sees the body as an implication that we are not good enough, not thin enough, not perfect enough, not pretty enough...The false mind ignores feedback from the body, avoids awareness of emotions, and imposes harmful behaviours which could create social isolation, disordered eating, or body dysmorphia. Are you connecting to this false self by shaming how you look and hurting your self?


You may be currently seeking for external validation, and that’s okay. This is only the very beginning to getting closer to who you really are! External validations are opinions towards our self-image and our self-worth, but they do not define the true self.

So what is the true self? Well, the true self is looking within to determine who you really are. Instead of being outer directed of “who should I be?”, the true self looks to find the hidden self from your heart and soul where one’s true identity lies. To interact with the world, the true self is inner guided from the soul (where intuition lies), to the heart (where passion lies), to the mind (where intention lies) and goes outwards to the body (where action lies). Below are some topics for you to look into so that you can start practicing intuitive living and connect with your true self today!

Get to know the differences between self-esteem & self-compassion

Kristen Neffs’ definition of self-esteem is that it is a global evaluation of one’s self-worth. For the longest time, psychological research has been putting ‘self-esteem’ as the main marker of psychological health where low self-esteem was linked with higher levels of anxiety, higher risk of depression, and other psychological concerns.

The biggest obstacle to self-esteem is self-criticism.

Self-Compassion


“Self-compassion involves being touched by and open to one’s own suffering, not avoiding, or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate one’s suffering and to heal oneself with kindness.”—Ann Saffi Biasetti in Befriending Your Body

Instead of reacting to that destructive inner-critic voice that compares yourself to others or evaluating what you do at every step, start challenging it by practicing self-compassion. The 3 key components of self-compassion are self-kindness, common humanity (how am I the same as others instead of how am I different from others) and mindfulness.

Self-compassion acts as a buffer between difficult emotions and behaviours, helping you acknowledge and accept the pain. The practice of self-compassion actually allows you to move closer towards your suffering rather than away from it. Acknowledge how you are feeling, and take note of your struggles. Respond in a caring manner towards suffering. Don’t forget that imperfection and suffering are human experiences that all human beings connect with! You are not alone in this suffering.

Facing your pain, suffering, and what you are truly feeling in your current state is actually a very self-compassionate action!

Notice how you talk to yourself.

Remember: you don’t have to be in a diet to be caught up in the culture of diet. Notice your own language and how you think of your body. Dismantle and challenge the way you speak about your body and see if you could talk to your body as you would to a good friend. Treat yourself the way you treat others! You’re allowed to be compassionate to yourself. You are allowed to embrace body diversity and move away from diet mentality.

Reaching inwards for self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is unconditional positive regard as would the view of your therapist or a good friend have towards you. It’s the journey to accepting your imperfections, and start embracing what makes you human.


Here is a mindfulness activity you can practice to invite in more kindness and acknowledge your pain: (adapted meditation from Ann Saffi Biasetti)


Come up with 3 phrases that you can remind yourself like a mantra to offer support to yourself each day. At this point, you don’t have to believe them: you are attempting to comfort your mind and your nervous system. You are learning and building the ground for self-compassion to develop.

1. Close your eyes and imagine someone you love, or a good friend who is suffering in some way. It can be the same thing you are dealing with or something different. Imagine this friend by calling the image into your mind.

2. Imagine your friend asking you for help, support and advice. Notice what their suffering feels like in your body, paying attention to the emotions that are coming up for you as you image what they are enduring.

3. What are 3 things you would say to them right now?

Open your eyes and write these 3 statements down. You will work with these words daily, especially when you are waking up and going to bed, since it is important to begin and end your day with helpful thoughts. Learning to be a friend to yourself is the first step in the continued development of a self-compassionate recovery.

Let your creativity connect to your intuition!

Intuitive drawings are courageous marks of one’s inner voice. A valuable lesson I have learned as an art therapist is to trust in myself, to create a reflection of what I feel and what I’m thinking about in the moment. Learning to step aside my critical mind and invite in my beginner’s mind. This is my intuitive drawing I drew after a short mindfulness exercise. While drawing this art piece, I was thinking of what a visualization of ‘inspiration’ would look like to me. I often get inspired by things I see in nature, in space (especially!), people who do art on the gram and this is a fused representation of all of that! I would like to invite you to close your eyes for a minute, take a few deep breaths and begin to visualize where you get your inspiration. Once you are ready, come back into the room and create your intuitive drawing from what you have experienced.

What intuitive eating is about

Another big component towards living more intuitively is your relationship with food. What was your relationship with food growing up? What is your current relationship with food?
If you are on a diet or have been on diets, you probably know what it is like to restrict. Restricting or disconnecting from hunger makes us think more about food, which leads to binging. Intuitive eating is a concept that is all about slowing down from your normal routine and checking in with yourself. You can start incorporating small but consistent check-ins throughout the day to practice mindfulness.

How you can rebel against diet culture to live intuitively, free from disordered eating, fat phobia, and body politics: 


• listen to your intuition around food: try to eat when you’re hungry to make peace with food

• setting intentions along the path and journey you’re on: from anxiety around food, self-care in a holistic multifactorial way instead of just looking at body and weight. 


• social media detoxing

• listen to podcast: Food Psych by Christy Harrison

So how do you see yourself? How would you like to invite in more compassion to help you start accepting all of you?

TLDR:
Live intuitively and practice self-compassion. Search up and learn more about the Health At Every Size Movement, find out how to be more compassionate with your body, and find freedom with your body. Grieve with your body. Learn to honour your body. You deserve body peace.

Further Readings and Podcasts about this topic:

Video: 

• Kristen Neff explains Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion


Blog post:
• Read 10 principles of intuitive eating by Evelyn Tribole

Books:
• Befriending Your Body by Ann Saffi Biasetti PhD, LCSW
• Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight by Linda Bacon

Podcast:
• Food Psych with Christy Harrison