In this blog post we will be discussing about the most common mental health concern in North America and possibly in the world: Anxiety. 

Almost one out of five Americans suffer from Anxiety. People who are struggling with Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder also experience symptoms of Anxiety. 

I went through a little epiphany a couple of weeks ago when I described a stressful situation with a client interchangeably between Anxiety and stress. I realized that even as a therapist, “Stress” and “Anxiety” can be hard to differentiate from one another.

Anxiety can be so easily undermined when explaining this mental health concern to others, which led me to think how hard must it be for people going through it to explain what they are experiencing — especially during the hardest moments.

Here are some crucial points you need to know about Anxiety:

Stress ≠ Anxiety

Let me tell you why…

Stress is something that we all experience whether we are at work, school, at home. Stress is your body’s reaction to a trigger and is generally a short-term experience

Anxiety is a sustained mental health concern that could be triggered by stress. Anxiety is excessive worry and fear and is strong enough to affect daily life. The intensity of the Anxiety or worry is out of proportion to the actual likelihood or impact of the anticipated situation. 

Anxiety is crippling and a daily challenge. 

Please try to understand that people with Anxiety are handling life in an extraordinary way.

People with Anxiety are handling a lot at once as they are continuously managing their Anxiety as they go. 

They need to be very mindful, not only taking on the responsibility of being the human they are, but handling something additional on their plate.

It would be so great if that effort was validated, celebrated, and congratulated.

Because that is worth giving recognition for!

Fact: Emotions feel 10x stronger during the peak of an Anxiety episode.

How to support someone who is struggling with Anxiety:

• Notice what is coming up for you: Pay attention to countertransference. Countertransference is when someone is struggling with Anxiety, another person around them can “pick up” the symptoms through something called countertransference. When big emotions like anger, frustration or sadness come up for you, learn to set your boundaries: for example maybe you would rather practice some self-soothing or would prefer talking to them later. And vice versa, please respect their boundaries—even when it comes across as annoying, hurtful or when it seems unreasonable. No means no.

• Dealing with the feeling of uncertainty (on what it takes to help the person): When someone is struggling with Anxiety or when anyone is going through a vulnerable time, they can easily feel isolated and alone in their suffering. People with Anxiety need to feel safe enough to attend and experience the big emotions: sadness, anger, or fear—to feel the feelings. Don’t be afraid to ask them what is going on and bring more opportunities for them to speak up about what they are going through.

• Notice their signs of ‘overwhelm’: Try to understand that when someone is suffering, they may push others away even though they don’t mean to. This is because when someone is going through the experience of Anxiety, they cannot take anything else on—that experience alone is overwhelming! Try not to take their overwhelm personally.

• Talk openly about what is happening. Feeling ashamed is often what prevents people from seeking professional help and support. It may also cause some people to deny that they are struggling or experiencing Anxiety altogether.

• Reflect on your role as a supporter: Something really important that I see a lot in my clients is the attempt to FIX or SOLVE the other’s experience of Anxiety. Remind yourself that it is not your job to be the fixer.

• Instead be an empathetic listener and make it a goal to show up. Supporting someone with Anxiety can look like making sure their experiences are heard—that itself can be very reassuring. Reflect what it could look like if you could make a commitment to show up even when and especially when things are difficult.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”—Thich Nhat Hanh 

Here are two Anxiety management coping strategies I practice when I experience Anxiety:

The 4-7-8 breathing technique 

Practiced with the yoga tongue placement (tip of your tongue on the gum between the roof of your mouth and your front teeth). This tongue placement relaxes your neck and head by preventing you from clenching. 

Here’s how to practice this breathing exercise:

1. Exhale completely through your mouth to prepare for the exercise

2. Breathe in 2, 3, 4

3. Hold your breath 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

4. Exhale 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

5. Repeat for 4 cycles

Practice this breathing exercise wherever you are.

Art as Therapy: Breathing mandala

Take a few moments to notice and visualize your current breath. 

Create a mandala of what your breath looks like right now (center of mandala) and how your breath can blossom (outer portion of the mandala).

One of the reasons why it is hard to “manage” Anxiety is that an individual with Anxiety can seem different from someone else with Anxiety.

As a therapist, I am never looking at a “one size fits all” coping strategies package when dealing with Anxiety. Learning coping strategies to help with Anxiety needs to be individualized to fit the person going through it. Which is why aligning your goals and working with a therapist can be so helpful in your healing journey.

Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this link.

Are you listening to the multi-trillion dollar diet industry that’s rooted in self-control? Are you feeling tired or just fed up with trying to fit into diet culture’s messages around what bodies “should” look like—especially during the summertime? Wouldn’t you rather listen and learn the non-diet mentality that is rooted in self-compassion? This blog post is written to encourage you, the reader, to fill your life with compassion and awareness of your intuition.

In our society, we are trained to be competitive, better, and to aim for above-average in order to be deemed “successful”. We are always told the message that higher self-esteem is better. What happens when we don’t meet our ideal standards and expectations? What happens when we oppress or put down other body types?

Some bitter facts about dieting:

• Research shows that the number one thing women invest in is their self-esteem on their appearance.

• On average, body image concerns for girls start in grade 3.

• 80% of 10 year old girls have already been on a diet.

• 33–35% of 6–8 year old boys indicate their ideal body is thinner than their current body.

• The measurements of the male action figures young boys play with exceed even those of the

  biggest bodybuilders. Talk about unrealistic.

  Diet mentality and weight stigma.

  People in larger bodies often experience hurtful, shaming messages around their body and have higher chronic stress. Research shows that internalized weight stigma from our culture, rather than weight itself is responsible for most if not all of the excess health risks seen in people with larger bodies such as high rates of chronic diseases, heart disease or diabetes.
  

  Diet culture disguised as wellness culture.

  ‘Wellness’ is just another way of teaching and attempting people to control their body with demands on how to eat healthy, prioritize exercising and control weight for ‘aesthetics’ instead of living with peace and being fine with the body you’re in.

  Messages from diet culture are all around us: from the products we buy, food we label as ‘clean’ or ‘junk’, the ‘wellness diets’ that detoxes, cleanses, carb restricts... Diet culture thrives to shame and oppress people who don’t match its image of health. The consequence is the massive amount of time, energy, and money spent trying to shrink our bodies. Diet culture WORSHIPS thinness, as if thin bodies automatically equate to better health and higher power status. The "bikini body" in particular is an oppressive concept that seeks to squeeze women into a specific mold.

  95% of diets fail us.

  Yup, you heard that right: diets have a 95% fail rate (some say it’s close to 98%). Research follow-ups of ‘successful’ diet participants (those who lost weight significantly for a specific program or product) are only up to a year after their diet program is complete. What is not reported is that approximately two-thirds of people who lose weight will regain it within 1 year, and almost all of them will regain it within 5 years. While weight loss could trigger positive (short-term) outcomes, it is usually followed by weight regain.

  Diet culture has engulfed quite a large chunk of my teenage life and mental wellbeing. Growing up, most if not all of my friends around me were in some form of a diet or complained about their body shape or size. Self-sabotaging language around why our bodies are not thin enough, pretty enough, explaining why they aren’t ready for Summer echoed through the media, family, friends, school or work—it seems so hard to find self-compassion in this mess. 

  

False Self versus the True Self

The “Self” is not the only physical part! Why do we often neglect the intellectual, emotional and spiritual parts of the “Self”? All these parts are equally as important in understanding self- image.

The false self is like a shell, attempting to be molded into or shaped to achieve world ‘ideals’. This never-ending criticism of the false mind sees the body as an implication that we are not good enough, not thin enough, not perfect enough, not pretty enough...The false mind ignores feedback from the body, avoids awareness of emotions, and imposes harmful behaviours which could create social isolation, disordered eating, or body dysmorphia. Are you connecting to this false self by shaming how you look and hurting your self?


You may be currently seeking for external validation, and that’s okay. This is only the very beginning to getting closer to who you really are! External validations are opinions towards our self-image and our self-worth, but they do not define the true self.

So what is the true self? Well, the true self is looking within to determine who you really are. Instead of being outer directed of “who should I be?”, the true self looks to find the hidden self from your heart and soul where one’s true identity lies. To interact with the world, the true self is inner guided from the soul (where intuition lies), to the heart (where passion lies), to the mind (where intention lies) and goes outwards to the body (where action lies). Below are some topics for you to look into so that you can start practicing intuitive living and connect with your true self today!

Get to know the differences between self-esteem & self-compassion

Kristen Neffs’ definition of self-esteem is that it is a global evaluation of one’s self-worth. For the longest time, psychological research has been putting ‘self-esteem’ as the main marker of psychological health where low self-esteem was linked with higher levels of anxiety, higher risk of depression, and other psychological concerns.

The biggest obstacle to self-esteem is self-criticism.

Self-Compassion


“Self-compassion involves being touched by and open to one’s own suffering, not avoiding, or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate one’s suffering and to heal oneself with kindness.”—Ann Saffi Biasetti in Befriending Your Body

Instead of reacting to that destructive inner-critic voice that compares yourself to others or evaluating what you do at every step, start challenging it by practicing self-compassion. The 3 key components of self-compassion are self-kindness, common humanity (how am I the same as others instead of how am I different from others) and mindfulness.

Self-compassion acts as a buffer between difficult emotions and behaviours, helping you acknowledge and accept the pain. The practice of self-compassion actually allows you to move closer towards your suffering rather than away from it. Acknowledge how you are feeling, and take note of your struggles. Respond in a caring manner towards suffering. Don’t forget that imperfection and suffering are human experiences that all human beings connect with! You are not alone in this suffering.

Facing your pain, suffering, and what you are truly feeling in your current state is actually a very self-compassionate action!

Notice how you talk to yourself.

Remember: you don’t have to be in a diet to be caught up in the culture of diet. Notice your own language and how you think of your body. Dismantle and challenge the way you speak about your body and see if you could talk to your body as you would to a good friend. Treat yourself the way you treat others! You’re allowed to be compassionate to yourself. You are allowed to embrace body diversity and move away from diet mentality.

Reaching inwards for self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is unconditional positive regard as would the view of your therapist or a good friend have towards you. It’s the journey to accepting your imperfections, and start embracing what makes you human.


Here is a mindfulness activity you can practice to invite in more kindness and acknowledge your pain: (adapted meditation from Ann Saffi Biasetti)


Come up with 3 phrases that you can remind yourself like a mantra to offer support to yourself each day. At this point, you don’t have to believe them: you are attempting to comfort your mind and your nervous system. You are learning and building the ground for self-compassion to develop.

1. Close your eyes and imagine someone you love, or a good friend who is suffering in some way. It can be the same thing you are dealing with or something different. Imagine this friend by calling the image into your mind.

2. Imagine your friend asking you for help, support and advice. Notice what their suffering feels like in your body, paying attention to the emotions that are coming up for you as you image what they are enduring.

3. What are 3 things you would say to them right now?

Open your eyes and write these 3 statements down. You will work with these words daily, especially when you are waking up and going to bed, since it is important to begin and end your day with helpful thoughts. Learning to be a friend to yourself is the first step in the continued development of a self-compassionate recovery.

Let your creativity connect to your intuition!

Intuitive drawings are courageous marks of one’s inner voice. A valuable lesson I have learned as an art therapist is to trust in myself, to create a reflection of what I feel and what I’m thinking about in the moment. Learning to step aside my critical mind and invite in my beginner’s mind. This is my intuitive drawing I drew after a short mindfulness exercise. While drawing this art piece, I was thinking of what a visualization of ‘inspiration’ would look like to me. I often get inspired by things I see in nature, in space (especially!), people who do art on the gram and this is a fused representation of all of that! I would like to invite you to close your eyes for a minute, take a few deep breaths and begin to visualize where you get your inspiration. Once you are ready, come back into the room and create your intuitive drawing from what you have experienced.

What intuitive eating is about

Another big component towards living more intuitively is your relationship with food. What was your relationship with food growing up? What is your current relationship with food?
If you are on a diet or have been on diets, you probably know what it is like to restrict. Restricting or disconnecting from hunger makes us think more about food, which leads to binging. Intuitive eating is a concept that is all about slowing down from your normal routine and checking in with yourself. You can start incorporating small but consistent check-ins throughout the day to practice mindfulness.

How you can rebel against diet culture to live intuitively, free from disordered eating, fat phobia, and body politics: 


• listen to your intuition around food: try to eat when you’re hungry to make peace with food

• setting intentions along the path and journey you’re on: from anxiety around food, self-care in a holistic multifactorial way instead of just looking at body and weight. 


• social media detoxing

• listen to podcast: Food Psych by Christy Harrison

So how do you see yourself? How would you like to invite in more compassion to help you start accepting all of you?

TLDR:
Live intuitively and practice self-compassion. Search up and learn more about the Health At Every Size Movement, find out how to be more compassionate with your body, and find freedom with your body. Grieve with your body. Learn to honour your body. You deserve body peace.

Further Readings and Podcasts about this topic:

Video: 

• Kristen Neff explains Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion


Blog post:
• Read 10 principles of intuitive eating by Evelyn Tribole

Books:
• Befriending Your Body by Ann Saffi Biasetti PhD, LCSW
• Body Respect: What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight by Linda Bacon

Podcast:
• Food Psych with Christy Harrison